Cheating on your wife—not a very good idea

First, to end the suspense: Steve Phillips is done.

Done in baseball.

Done in TV.

Done selling products for Amway.

Done babysitting my kids.

Done.

The ex-New York Mets GM and current (well, former) ESPN baseball analyst has, once again, inserted his penis in the slot where his brain is supposed to make deposits. In case you haven’t heard (and, by this point, who the hell hasn’t?), Phillips—a married father—was having an affair with a 22-year-old ESPN employee … who happens to be insane.

I have never cheated on my wife, and never will. However, if I accidentally break that vow and enter the dark world of infidelity, it would only be with a farm animal, because farm animals don’t talk, write letters or drive their cars into structures. Fortunately, I am not attracted to farm animals (emus, on the other hand …).

Unfortunately for Steve Phillips, he failed to follow my blueprint. His affair was with Brooke Hundley, who not only bears a striking resemblance to the late, great Sam Kinison, but believes the best way to enhance an affair’s excitement is to, egad, write a letter to the man’s wife, chat with his son on Facebook and drive her car into his house.

Of all the moves, my favorite is her letter, which includes this passage:

“I care about Steve a lot and I’ve been asking him to come clean to you about everything, from when we first slept together in St. Louis in his hotel suite (where he assured me I wouldn’t have to worry about getting pregnant since his vasectomy) to the fact that we have continued to talk, see each other and schedule meet-ups even since you found out.”

To Phillips’ credit, it sounds as if he didn’t get Brooke pregnant.

On the down side, well, his life left and his career is ruined.

Bummer.