Norma

Back a few months ago, the wife and I bought a dog. We named her Norma, and I f—ing hated her. The poops. The puddles. The yelping and barking. I would have eagerly paid for a car to run her over. Sadly, no one wanted the $3 I was offering.

Now, I’ve gotta say, I love the bitch. She’s small and relatively useless, but as she lies her by my feet, resting atop a sweatshirt, I’m glad I didn’t have her murdered.

That’s about it.