Jeff Pearlman

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Death to Mr. Poopie

About a year ago my inlaws were moving out of their house. I helped with the efforts, and as I was leaving I noticed a large white polar bear doll in the corner.

“Can I have that?” I asked.

Yes, you can.

The doll wasn’t exactly choice quality—it had initially been won at some sort of fair or theme park by my sister-in-law, Jessica. There was a small rip along the arm, too. But I felt bad for the dude. We humans tends to give life to inanimate objects, and I did, too.

So, it turns out, did my kids.

Emmett, my son, named the doll Mr. Poopie. And even though Mr. Poopie and Emmett and roughly the same size, they often slept together, side by side. Unfortunately, Mr. Poopie is sort of a piece of shit, and the one rip widened as another also formed. The thing was made in China, probably for 6 cents in a poorly-ventiled factory by workers making $1 a week. In other words, who the hell knows what’s inside?

Hence tonight, after the kids went to sleep, we said farewell to Mr. Poopie and placed him in the trash.

It was actually sorta sad.

Tomorrow will be worse—the kids don’t know he’s gone.

  • It’s funny because I get sad when I throw out stuff like that too. Maybe it’s because I feel sad that my kid outgrows things. Maybe it’s because part of me thinks these little stuffed things have feelings. Damn that Toy Story!

  • Alvin

    No. Save Mr. Poopie. Restuff him. Sew him. Just save him man!

  • jacob

    My mom sewed my favorite stuffed animal for me a few times. I still have it. I keep it in my closet. If she had thrown it away without telling me, I would’ve been very upset.

  • Laura

    So sad! I’ve been grappling with this too. Sometimes I still regret throwing out my old stuffed animals. I debate whether I should have kept them. But they are kind of gross. Toy Story 3 really makes you feel bad about this too!

  • Wayne

    My Mom not only threw out my teddy bear, she burned it in the big metal trash can in the back yard.


  • Ted

    Not good, man.

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Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life