JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

Norma, shut up!

Got a new dog this afternoon. It’s my first dog. Wife insisted on a girl (no juicy red rockets), so we got a girl. Wife insisted on something sort of small, we got something sort of small. Wife insisted on a non-shedder, we got a non-shedder.

Dog’s name is Norma, after my wife’s grandmother. I came up with the name. Grandma Norma is neither soft nor cute (without saying much more, she’s sort of the opposite), but she’s 90-something years old, and has never had a namesake. Hence, the dog.

We got the dog at 3 pm. It’s now midnight. Thus far:

• She’s vomited on the kitchen floor.

• Peed and pooped in her cage.

• Peed on the floor.

• Barked incessantly.

I’m not saying I’m miserable, but if anyone knows of a studio or one-bedroom apartment in the New York area that doesn’t accept pets, please let me know.