My favorite story ever

So two seconds ago I’m standing on line at the Atlanta Bread Company, waiting for my drink, when I spot the cover of today’s New York Daily News. Above the news of an office fire and alongside MICHAEL’S MILLIONS! (for Phelps’ inevitable haul) is the headline: TURTLE WITH TWO HEADS FOUND IN BROOKLYN—see Page 3.

Naturally, I plunk down 50 cents and turn to Page 3. And there’s the turtle, alongside the headline ‘OH MY GOD!’ TURTLE HAS TWO HEADS!

The story, posted here, is actually sorta dull. There’s a turtle, he has two heads, people think it’s weird, he hooks up with two female turtles at once, blah, blah. But what I love, in typical Daily News style, is that above staff writer Tracy Connor’s name is the word EXCLUSIVE in big bold letters—if the Post or Times or Wall Street Journal reports this extraordinary story, they stole it from us. We’re the first to bring the world news of the two-headed turtle!!!

Tomorrow’s headline: Image of Jesus seen in slice of pizza!

*** Writer’s note: Amazingly, I just noticed the story below the two-headed turtle. Headline: SURGERY SAVES FORK-EATING DOG. Egad.

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