Farewell, Emmitt Smith


It’s a sad time to be a human being. First, the octuplet lady does her thing. Then the monkey does his thing. And then, a few days ago, ESPN does its thing—and dumps Emmitt Smith.

This was disappointing, because now—without Emmitt or George W. Bush—who’s going to entertain us with linguistic tonadoes? Rush Limbaugh? Too annoying? Barack Obama? Too intelligent? Chris Berman? Too … well, who cares about Chris Berman?

Here’s the thing that confuses me about Emmitt Smith’s dismissal: What did ESPN really expect? Anyone who has dealt with Emmitt knows that while he’s a pretty decent guy, he’s not the brightest bulb. Keyshawn and Steve Young? Neither man is great at the job, but both are intelligent. Emmitt, however, was merely a very good dancer who thrived on milking his own brand. He could run the ball, moonwalk, smile for the cameras, etc. But explaining football in English? Not his strength.