Entering my freshman year of high school, I bought a pair of white Pony lowtops at Marshall’s. It was a bold step me for. Through my first eight years of school, I’d always worn running shoes—Nikes, Adidas, Brooks. But during 8th grade I started noticing the cool kids shifting to white shoes. Hence, I attempted to make the change.

The night before the first day of school, I couldn’t sleep. Would people make fun of my white Pony lowtops? Were they lame? Too bold? Would I fit in? Had kids moved on to a different style? Seriously, I must have woken up 20 times that night, as anxious as I’d ever been.

Twenty-three years later, a box arrived in the mail from Nike. My wife’s grandmother gave me a design-your-own-shoe gift card, and I had allowed my 5-year-old daughter to do most of the work. Here’s the end result …


They are, without question, the ugliest sneakers ever created. And yet, I am no longer 14 and insecure. I wear these exploding tacos with pride.

Well, actually, with great embarrassment. But what the f^%$ am I supposed to do? The daughter made ’em. Ah, parenting …

6 thoughts on “Shoes”

  1. Jeff – I think the shoes are the least of your worries when you’re wearing a t-shirt with backwards lettering; unless there is some photo tomfoolery going on there.

    Seriously, your shoes aren’t so bad. I think all of the Hannah Montana fans would die to have them. So,you might refrain from wearing them when picking up your daughter at school or you might find an IA-fashioned shiv in your ribs and your feet merely sock-covered.

  2. hey man, great shoes! awesome job jeff. bet you paid through the nose for nose. reminds me of my sister, who lets her daughter name all the family pets: they get names like “tiger” and “fufu” and stuff that makes no sense to us adult types.

  3. You can do the shoes at It’s the Nikeid thing on the site. Really cool, and only slightly more expensive than the regular sneaks … also, while I left with these pimped-out eyesores, it was GREAT to do with her. We had a blast.

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