Miniature golf sucks


So I’m here in Ocean City, N.J., having an amazing time on vacation with my wife and kids and friends. Tonight, a bunch of us went to play miniature golf. I loathe miniature golf. Perhaps it stems from my childhood, when I accidentally slammed my mother in the face with a backswing (she’s OK). But, truth be told, I think it stems from the fact that miniature golf is:

A. Terribly overrated.

B. Boring.

C. Not especially fun.

D. Not hard.

Greg Kuppinger, my friend and a miniature golf enthusiast (as well as an absolutely amazing artist), disagrees strongly. Here is our debate:

Me: Miniature golf is boring.

Greg: How can miniature golf be boring? In real golf you’re hitting a ball into wide open space, hitting it into a hole in the middle of a wide open green. In miniature golf, you have to deal with spinning windmills, moving clown faces and hippo anus. And that final hole you can get a free game or a free pizza.

Me: Have you ever gotten that?

Greg: No. Wait—I did get a free game one time, but I was pretty disappointed by it.

Me: Why?

Greg: Because I didn’t want to play again.

I win. Miniature golf sucks.

5 thoughts on “Miniature golf sucks”

  1. Horseshit Pearlman! Miniature golf creates world class golf pro’s on a daily basis. You have to start somewhere dogg! How can you be great at a sensless sport like golf unless you start out with the challenging obstacle ridden world of miniature golf!!!
    Step off!

  2. Pearlman,
    You’ve been wrong about many, many things through the course of our friendship, but this one takes the cake.
    Miniature golf rules! It doesn’t take long, it can be played by people of any age, and every course you play brings different challenges.
    Plus, the little pencils you use to keep score are extremely cool.

    Get with the program Jeff, mini-golf is the Hall & Oates of leisure activities.

  3. Hopefully you were playing the great Goofy Golf course on the Ocean City boardwalk rather than the boring Congo Falls course.

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