The most embarrassing segment of my life …


Throughout my marriage, my beautiful wife Catherine has occasionally threatened me by promising to show The Video. I know what The Video is. She knows what The Video is. Yet, ever since that dark day in the spring of 1994, I didn’t want anyone else to know what The Video is.

Then, within the past few days, something happened.

I received an e-mail from Angela Klem, the wife of Brian Hickey, my good University of Delaware friend who was nearly killed by a hit-and-run driver last November. 3245_82426156159_705541159_2184032_7804536_nShe was holding a surprise 36th birthday party for Hickey down in Philly … wanted to know if I’d attend. I made the trek earlier this afternoon, and was blown away. First, by Hickey, whose recovery is absolutely dazzling. But second, by all the family members and friends who love and support the man. It was a special thing to witness—an ode to Hickey’s goodness, but also a statement on loyalty when times get rough.

Anyhow, on my drive home tonight I decided that, in the spirit of giving Hickey a really, really, really good laugh, I’d post the video and let the truth set me free. Hence, here it is—truly the most pathetic thing ever. I’ll always remember the immediate aftermath of the airing, when Hickey—the first to call—just laughed and laughed and laughed. Admittedly, it was funny.

Also, some things you should know:

• There was nothing righteous about my virginity. I was only a virgin because I had no game.

• There was really nothing righteous about my virginity column. I wrote it because I had a serious girlfriend at the time, and I knew my days of living Pope-like were numbered.

• There was really, really, really nothing righteous about the TV segment. I wasn’t even a virgin at that point—just a 21-year-old kid/media whore who was excited to be on television.

To watch it now, well, it’s awkward and goofy and pathetic and odd and even sorta quaint. But as my dad has long said, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re missing a key joy to life.

I agree—hee-hee. Penis. Hee-hee.

12 thoughts on “The most embarrassing segment of my life …”

  1. That was awesome, Jeff. It also reminded me of the article that you once assigned to me on penis size. Did that say something about ME?

    I think, to date, that might the piece that my parents loved the most. They would show it off when people would come over.


  2. The penis comment explains how the Charles Haley bits of “Boys” could be written so soberly.

    The “I’m a virgin (But writing this will get me laid!)” column idea is genius.

    And, most of all, the video’s funny. I’m glad to hear that Brian Hickey’s doing better, and that the liberation of this video will make him laugh. But thanks to you, too, Jeff, for liberating it; mirth is almost always nice.

  3. Forget the penis line or the gawky ballin’ — you hunt and peck on a keyboard? Do you still do this?

    (I do, and I’m a writer. And my friends make fun of me for it. But I get laid, so it’s cool. I guess)

    Great news about your friend and, as always, thanks for the entertainment.

  4. Though it was great to see Jeff in 2009, it was even greater to see him (and me) (and Marge Pala) (grooowwll) in 1994.
    It’s much appreciate, hehehehe, Jeff.

  5. I have to say that the more I think about this, but more I have a newfound respect for you, my friend. I think this took more guts than your skydive.

  6. Funny stuff. You should see my collection of videos from my college Model UN days, though…. Mullet and all. Not really sure why I haven’t destroyed all the copies.

  7. Dude, I just pissed myself laughing. Thanks for the chuckle. How do you put those comments on a YouTube vid? Your tech prowess never ceases to amaze me — and I check this site daily.

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