John Ensign, I am lost …


John Ensign, I am lost.

Really, I am.

Where will I be without your moral guidance to lead me through the dark days of summer? With your strong commitment to morality, I knew I would never stray. All those hot MILFs at Sesame Place? None for me, thanks to your guidance. All those gay people I wanted to befriend? No way—not under John Ensign’s watch. Oh, how often I desired to sin over these past few years, only to be led properly by your wisdom. My marriage would mirror your marriage. My morality would mirror your morality. Remember those words you spoke? The ones tattooed across my chest? “Mr. President, I rise today to speak on a topic that is very important. That is the preservation of the most important structure in our society.”

You were the shepherd, and I was your sheep.

Baaaa …

Then you had sex with a campaign worker.

And now I am lost.