A nation of idiots


Just read about Arlen Specter’s town hall meeting from earlier today, when a gaggle of angry conservative morons made the unfortunate error of opening their mouths and thinking at the same time.

I’ve paid pretty close attention to this issue, so I’ll provide some important answers:

Q. Will this plan result in senior citizens losing their health coverage?

A. Yes. Old people are boring, and they smell like prune juice. I know … I know—we’re supposed to be all giddy about visiting Florida for a week on winter’s vacation so Grammie and Paw-Paw can take us to Butterfly World and spin yarns of the good ‘ol days. But, really, who wouldn’t rather stay home and play XBox? So we have decided to let you all die naturally. Then, when you finally kick the can, we will eat you.

Q. Are we turning into a socialistic nation?

A. Yes, we are. But don’t be upset. Did you ever see the movie “White Nights?” If you recall, Gregory Hines’ character lived happily in communist Russia for years. And he was black!

Q. Will I lose all my benefits?

A. Probably. But, on the bright side, everyone will receive a free magnet.

Q. What are you going to do to restore this country back to what our founders created, according to the Constitution?

A. Well, you are a woman. So, first and foremost, you will receive 50 lashings from your husband for speaking out of turn. Then we will banish you to the pig trough, to clean Cecil, the 600-pound hog. Then, and only then, you can play with your magnet.

Q. Is our president an American citizen?

A. No. He was born and raised in Kenya, and has come here to steal your guns. Then he will return to Kenya and lead an army of gun-toting Kenyans against America, using the secret technology he attained by melting Joe Biden’s brain. There is only one person who can save us, and she goes by the name of Sarah.

Q. Is it true this is just a ploy by the gay people to have sex with little kids?

A. Yes.

Q. Why should I care about 46 million Americans without health coverage?

A. You shouldn’t. We’re Americans—U! S! A! U! S! A! We didn’t get this deep in debt by caring about others. Do what you’ve gotta do for you, eat donuts and enjoy your Medicare.

Q. Isn’t Medicare socialized medicine, so to speak?

A. Look! A bunny rabbit! Over there!

** PS: From Obama’s rally earlier today in New Hampshire (via the New York Times):

Across the driveway from Mr. Jordan, holding one of those Hitler posters — “Hey America, You want Change? Hitler did too!” — stood Diane Campbell, a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise owner from Kingstown, N.H..2006-09-26t163535z_01_nootr_rtridsp_2_ouktp-uk-arts-hitler-paintings

“Hitler killed six million people; he killed everyone who wasn’t perfect,” Ms. Campbell said. “I have an elderly mom and a severely handicapped sister, and I fear for their lives if this plan goes though.”

23 thoughts on “A nation of idiots”

  1. Once again Jeff, you have nailed it. We are a nation of complete imbeciles. One day, maybe, i will finally give up and move to Canada. I feel my IQ points running out of my ears as this healthcare idiocy by the Wingnuts drags on. R.I.P. G.O.P

  2. Wow man, you REALLY don’t like people who disagree with you. I usually enjoy your posts, but…just wow. Apparently, you need to be a card-carrying Democrat and have a high IQ to exercise your first amendment rights.

  3. So disagreeing with a horrible, poorly-thought-out plan makes people “angry conservative morons”?

    So when all you liberals did the same thing about Iraq, Afghanistan, etc., were you all “angry liberal morons”?

  4. J Money, there’s a HUGE difference. If I heard people saying simply, “This plan is too expensive” or “This plan is messy and unorganized,” I’d probably disagree, but I couldn’t complain. But what we’re seeing here isn’t reasoned arguments. It’s emotional outbursts by people clearly relying on the three talking points served up by conservative radio. Again, I’m well aware this is not a perfect plan, and that to disagree with government health care isn’t without merit. But the argument against Iraq was, mostly, spot on in reason. This—not so much.

  5. If conservatives and the GOP were willing to have actual discourse that is one thing, but they have chosen the alternate route. They have taken to yelling and scare tactics. They use buzz words like “socialism” and “death squads” and don’t talk about the matter at hand.

    Right now they are simply coming off a bitter, angry people who would rather shout than actually reform health care and, you know, help people.

  6. Great post, Jeff. I would say it’s not so much that this country is littered with brain-dead fools — though the case can be made that it is — as much as folks in this day and age can’t think for themselves and rely on information from sources who have obvious agendas (See O’Reilly, Dick Morris and Dick Cheney; that’s too many Dicks for my taste). They hear the disinformation being spewed from media outlets such as FOX News and conservative Websites and take it to mean it’s truth. Look, I don’t agree with everything in Obama’s healthcare proposal, but this country needs to make a colossal change when it comes to how it treats the sick. Last time I checked, all the opponents to this proposal have yet to come up with any plausible solutions of their own. They’re just bitching for the sake of bitching and that hasn’t gotten this country anywhere.

  7. The Pride of Curry

    I dislike the idea of government-run healthcare for one very simple reason: the government has enough problems running its own budget. I don’t want them messing with anyone else’s.

    Something does need to be done, and I’m not viciously opposed to regulating insurance and medical malpractice suits to make insurance affordable for everyone. But I don’t want the government involved.

  8. All the people with the attitude and mindless opinion of “the Pride of Curry”, need to know one thing: Medicare, the VA, and Medicaid are MORE efficient than private insurance. That is because there is no profit motive. It is about HEALTHCARE, period. Profiteering off sickness of a populous is as low as an entity can get.

    I bet my life that when people Like “Pride of Curry’ turn 65, they will be first in line for that evil, government subsidy that is Medicare. And if you truly feel that the gov’t is useless, forfeit your Social Security too.

  9. This is the natural–animal-like, visceral–reaction to change (Earth-shaking change in their narrow mind-views, but really mild, mild tremors in actual American policy).

    FACT: Obama’s economic team is roughly the same one of Clinton and Bush 2 (Goldman-Sachs cronies, “free-market” slaves”, etc.)

    FACT: There is ZERO…Z-E-R-O..way anything other than a gov’t marketplace/option for those unensured/underensured makes it out of committee, much less gets votes on (death squadslack of personal choice, etc….all the astroturfing arguments included here) the Senate and House floors.

    These people are those who have been looking for reason/avenues to exercise (or exorcise, as the case may be) their anger since Obama–and his supporters–completely repudiated the Bush admin (and all recent admins, as well I believe).

    They were looking for ways to act out their anger, based in utter, adject fear.

    They tried with the astroturfed “Tea Parties”…they are trying again with the health care debate. Anger=dialogue, which PROVES an uprising (F@#K the mainstream media while I’m at it for not completely exposing this S*&T)…

    ANYWAY, while I no longer think Obama=change we can believe in (C) (too beholden to the same fuckers as Clinton and Bush2 used), this “display of democracy” is a farce…they are emblematic of change that MUST me made: people fear change, BUT democracy will (and won’t) survive if people act on that fear to try to destroy democracy.

    Which is EXCATLY what is going on now.

  10. Wow – a rather scathing satire, Mr. Pearlman, however, not as good as Swift’s “Proposal” (though I did detect a note of his influence in your answer to question 1).

    I realize that you are a sportswriter, and this your personal blog, but for imbeciles like me, in the future, please give me more than just vitriol disguised as satire; I respond so much better to rhetoric when there is conviction AND solid thinking behind it.

    That’s all. Just some insight into your thinking. And I don’t disagree with your gut reaction to the way many have responded to the HealthCare issue – screaming and pitching a hissy fit ain’t going to cut it.

    What’s needed, from both sides, is discussion, not screaming and not screed disguised as satire (though I have been guilty of that myself at times).

  11. The Pride of Curry

    Fun fact of the day…I honestly am not that old. And truthfully…I wouldn’t mind seeing the government allow people to decide for themselves what they want to do with Social Security.

    But as the proud grandson of a Korean War Vet, and the great-grandson of a WWII vet…well, the VA isn’t quite that efficient. I’ve seen it firsthand.

    BTW, I never have, nor will I ever think, that any healthcare entity in the U.S., efficient or no, is “evil.” I disagree with the idea of socialized healthcare because it WILL cost a lot of money and we really don’t have a whole lot, but I don’t think Obama is evil for trying to fix what is obviously a broken system. I just disagree with the method.

  12. J Money…thanks for the insightful post. Do you even know the difference between a conservative and liberal?

    Which was Bush, Jr.?

    And count me in that group of angry liberal morons that was against the Iraq war.

    By the way, how did that turn out? A quick in and out, wasn’t it? Have we installed democracy in Iraq?

  13. Jeff, why don’t you ever address the legitimate grievances of opponents of ObamaCare?

    1. You never talk about how private health insurance will be crowded out. In order to qualify as an acceptable private plan under ObamaCare, insurers will have to offer services such as free preventive care. This is simply not feasible for a profit-oriented enterprise. The “public option” however, can do this without problem since it has access to the bottomless well of taxpayer money.

    2. You never talk about the implications of the moral hazard of providing free preventive care and checkups. Without the presence of co-payments, what is to stop hypochondriacs from getting regular screenings for all sorts of diseases? And since insurance companies will need to pay for such services without recouping any of the cost, that means the cost of insurance will go up.

    3. You haven’t addressed how we worry about losing our care. Sure, we can keep our private insurance as it is today, but if premiums go up we would be FORCED to switch to a “qualified” plan.

    Jeff, as always, your sports writing is top notch, but you really shouldn’t wade too deeply into the health care debate without actually understanding the legitimate concerns of opponents. When you focus on the rantings of the fringe, well, you don’t look much better yourself.

  14. Additionally, the screed that opponents haven’t proposed anything is ludicrous. Opponents have for years been suggesting that we allow people to purchase insurance out of state. This is a SIMPLE solution with HUGE benefits.

  15. Classicist, there are 54 million uninsured Americans. To suggest that, by allowing people to purchase insurance out of state, the problem will be solved is just not legitimate. That said, I enjoyed your post, and wish more of your anti-government health insurance supporters would use such brain power, and not merely scream and rant. Or, perhaps there are more people like yourself, and the media finds it more entertaining to show the nuts. (Sad, but probably true).

    Anyhow, good post.

  16. the real question is, would these notre dame commencement speech protesters/tea-baggers/birthers/health care reform protestors have any problems with obamas policies and ideas… if he wasnt black.

  17. Jeff, you wrote that you “wish more of your anti-government health insurance supporters would use such brain power, and not merely scream and rant.”

    Could you please do the same as well? It’s a real turnoff to hear you describe those who happen to disagree with you as a “gaggle of angry conservative morons” who “made the unfortunate error of opening their mouths and thinking at the same time.” Or to hear you brag about how you apparently stiffed a waitress on a tip because you didn’t like her politics.

    Don’t like incivility? Then don’t act in an uncivil fashion yourself.

  18. wait…wasnt Hilter, George Bush? Didnt the liberals compare them? Thats ok though, because when Bush was in office you were aloud to say things like that. Now your a racist if you say someting agianst Obama cause hes black. And we are not aloud to disagree with a black person that makes us racist.

  19. the reason why we are “screaming and ranting” is because we are not aloud to talk! we are shut down immediatly. the liberals wont have an easy going conversation with a conservative because they cant. we have the facts. we are reading the bills. we are looking deeper than what the President is promising us. you are not. that man at the town hall meeting is catorgorized as a violent, radical unamerican? How bout the black panthers strong arming people into voting for Obama? wouldnt that be radical, violent and unamerican?

  20. donna:

    “the reason why we are “screaming and ranting” is because we are not aloud to talk!”

    What the hell are you talking about?

    You say, “we are not aloud to talk,” then say, “that man at the town hall meeting is categorized as a violent, radical unamerican?”

    Wasn’t that man “aloud” to talk?

    Aren’t you being permitted to talk? Thank Jeff for the platform.

    Donna…please answer just one question for me. It’s really simple too.

    What is the difference between a liberal and conservative?

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