I’m a bit surprised


Regarding my post from earlier today on the Cosi manager who calls female employees by anything but their first names—well, I’m a bit surprised by the reactions.

I understand the people who say, “Let it go this time.” They’re probably right. But that, in the year 2009, there are men who still think it’s acceptable to call women “Sugar,” “Honey,” “Babe,” “Baby,” “Ass Cheeks of Love”—no. You’re wrong. Factually wrong.

I know … I know. I’m a liberal New York know-it-all. Certainly true. But I also know that:

A. Sexism is alive and well.

B. It’s not easy to speak up, especially when you’re a 17-year-old woman trying to get through the day and snag a paycheck.

C. Sometimes we have to speak on behalf of others.

Perhaps this isn’t that time. But perhaps it is. One of the commenters from the earlier post was right—a man saying, “Hey, that’s bulls&^$!” is much more powerful than a woman doing so, because the idiot manager will automatically assume, “Hell, just another oversensitive chick.” It’s no different than the impact a straight male has speaking on behalf of gay rights; or the white person speaking up for blacks; or the black person speaking up for Hispanics; etc … etc.

Anyhow, I’m babbling.

I’ll probably just move on with life. But it’s an interesting dilemma.

(And Kranepool, this is no possible way the women you work with like you calling them “honey” or “luv.” Trust me.)

7 thoughts on “I’m a bit surprised”

  1. Yes, you are babbling and sticking your nose in where it does not belong . . . like usual.

    Smart woman will use the type of attitude against the guy. When I was a young lawyer back in the early ’90s, I attended a deposition in a multi-party case, with ten or more lawyers in the room.

    Two of the lawyers were women. The lawyer taking the lead in the deposition was a rude old guy. He treated most of the younger lawyers like crap, except that he called the women “honey” and so forth.

    One of the women bristled at it, and soon was treated like every guy in the room. The other reveled in it, sweet-talking the old coot, and in short order, she had him eating out of her hand. She was one smart cookie. Or tomato. Or whatever.

  2. blacks > hispanics? perception wise? hmmm, i digress, but i think not.

    anyway, if the girls seemed not bothered, it’s no big deal.

    on a tangent to robert in dallas, these chicks are waitresses, not dignitaries. maybe they should aim higher if they want to command the respect.

  3. So, pointsguy, the person who handles the food you’re putting in your mouth doesn’t deserve respect? Then you deserve anything she does to your food.

  4. You’re missing my point sweetie. If the girls are bothered by it, then they and all of us should speak up for them. But it’s not exactly the same as if some foreign PM called Hilary Clinton “sugar,” or “baby.”

    Also, being called “baby” or whatever is not tantamount to tainting someone’s food. You should treat someone with respect b/c they deserve it, not b/c of fear of them messing with your food.

    Take it easy sugar, no one likes an angry chick.

  5. I guess I misinterpreted “these chicks are waitresses, not dignitaries” as classifying one set of people as different than another on the deserving of respect spectrum. I’ll blame the impersonal-ness of the Internet for that.

  6. Hey Jeff, it’s funny I’ve never seen you around my office since you know so much about my place of work. The women I work with have no problem with being called honey or luv because

    (a) it’s not done as a putdown since most of the ladies in my office know me over 20 years

    (b) it’s not said in a condencending way but as a term of endearment

    (c) no one has ever said they were offended. There are still some ladies out there you like it when a man tells that dress looks great on you or that new hair style makes you looks younger

  7. Seriously, if it’s not done in a condescending manner, it’s ok. I was called baby all the time by this older woman at my last job. Initially I felt weird, but later I realized it was term of endearment. She said it only to a select few people she liked.

    What I’m saying, Jenny baby, is that it’s not outright wrong to call someone “baby,” but it is outright wrong in certain situations (to dignitaries).

    Get it now? And please don’t spit in my big mac next time, sugar.

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