JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Arcadian Broad says: “F— all y’all!”

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I don’t watch America’s Got Talent, because whenever I’ve accidentally stumbled upon it, well, it sucks. But tonight, sitting here in an unfamiliar lodge, the show is on the TV. And I’m glad it is—because I was allowed a rare glimpse into the garbage that is reality/talent television.

On tonight’s show, a nerdy teenage dancer named Arcadian Broad performed in High School Musical garb, to a couple of crappy songs from the crappy Disney movie. When he was done, one of the judges, a former tabloid editor named Piers Morgan, told poor Arcadian that he wasn’t quite good enough. To which the young, naive kid—unwise to the slick ways of reality television (Shut up and be happy you’re here)—said, “I didn’t want to do High School Musical. The producers made me, and …”

He was swiftly cut off, and the host—Nick Cannon, a once-respected musician now starring as a Seacrest-esque wanna-be—said, “All performers have input into what they do.”

The show was nailed, and everyone knew it.