JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Sophie

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My sister in law Leah threw a fancy party this afternoon. It was in honor of her grandma’s 90th birthday—catered, jacket required, etc.

One couple brought their dog.

The canine’s name was Sophie. Big black poodle. They never leave home without the damn thing. Leah was surprised by Sophie’s presence because, well, she didn’t know until the dog arrived. “She’s very well behaved,” one of the owners said. “A great dog.”

During desert, the owner fed Sophie some chocolate cake of his plate.

Sophie vomited on Leah’s floor.

The kicker: The couple had a driver. They had him come inside and wipe up the dog vomit.

Ah, Sophie …