Got Juice?


The St. Louis Cardinals have hired Mark McGwire to be the club’s hitting coach.

So what if he cheated? And cheated? And cheated? And cheated?

Here’s my column, from today’s

8 thoughts on “Got Juice?”

  1. Holy crap, this is a crazy hire! I can’t believe they would do this. I’m simply amazed. And this is terrible news for Pujols! Why in the world would baseball want anyone to put Pujols and McGwire in the same thought? Oh man, I’m…just amazed. Wow.

  2. Hey, anytime you can get a guy with a lifetime batting average of .263 to be your hitting instructor you’ve got to do it. Here are some of his batting averages over full seasons, .231, .235, .201, and his last season in 97 games he hit a sterling .187.

  3. That reminds me of a joke I made up; What did the NFL say to MLB? “You know, since we have the FBI working security for us, you really don’t hear about our steroid problem…(Wink, wink!).” Why is it only MLB is before Congress and has a steroid problem? There is evidence of steroid use as far back as the Great Steelers teams of the 70’s. It’s obvious there is an epidemic in some professional sports, and it ain’t the swine flu. It takes away from the game and the players who don’t use steroids. If they’re going to look the other way on some level, then admit what they are and go with it. The game is ultimately regulated by the owners and dictated by the players. The owners want a bigger, faster, more powerful, profitable game and the players want the star bucks. Lyle Alzado and the handful of NFL players known to use steroids aren’t the shameful few. They’re shamed because they talked about it. They’re banned because they talk about it. Jose Canseco is nearly destitute if not already, Mark McGwire just got a great gig back in the big game. That’s politics.

    1. Walter Payton when I was a kid and I wrote him letters sent autographs to me in the mail when I was 14 I met him because it was 1989 when there was controversy over who should be the starting Quarterback Jim McMahon or Mike Tomczak I said to him “Who do you think should be the starting Quarterback.” Because Walter at the time was trying to own a Pro Football team himself in St.Louis and he wanted to be on the Chicago Bears board of Directors as a starting point he figured saying which person he felt the Chicago Bears should start wouldn’t be the best idea so after he signed autographs for me he said, “I think they both(McMahon and Tomczak) have good qualities.” And then his son shouted , “Me I want to be Quarterback to.” And Walter because he had signed an autrograph for me he’d been nice enough to do it but I was a teenager who didn’t realize I’d put him on the spot with my question about who the Bears now that he’d retired as their Runningback should start at Quarterback said to his son , “You need to tie your shoes.” He figured he signed the autograph and started talking to him since he did give me an answer to my question he liked both guys at that point I’d walk away e was right I walked away and was happy I met Walter Payton
      Since he was nice enough to sign the autograph for me and he was nice enough to answer the question for me once I was old enough to understand what he had done it didn’t change how much I liked Walter Payton without meaning to as teeangers do I asked him a question he couldn’tve wanted asked so he signed an autograph for me nicely answered the question and eased his way out of the conversation by talking to his son about tieing his shoe I thought about how when you’re 14 and ask a question you never figure Football players do things like sit on boards of Directors

      Then when I was around 19 it was 1994 something happened which seemed odd for Walter Payton I was in Rosemont for an autographs show they were charging money to get players signatures because Walter always signed autographs for free when my cousin invited me to a show I figured I’d go because they sell them there buy Football and Baseball cards and maybe pay for the autograph of some player who isn’t as good a guy as Walter Payton because Walter Payton never charged anyone for an autograph

      I discovered when I got there that Walter Payton was charging for autographs Walter Payton was charging money for autographs and supposedly some of the money went to charity later on as I was leaving I couldn’t imagine paying Walter for an autograph when he always felt those things should be free

      I saw Walter and a man the man was handing Walter a check for having signed autographs for the day which wasn’t how Walter ever was so I decided to walk over there right as Walter was putting the check in his pocket the man gave him for charging for autographs right in front of the man and because I was 19 and I figured that this is what Walter Payton can do at anytime ask Walter for another regular free Walter Payton autograph

      I figured this man would understand that he pays Walter Payton to sign autographs at a fee and if Walter after he’s done charging a whole bunch of people in Rosemont money for autographs wants to then right as he’s putting the check in his pocket this man gave him for charging for autographs right in front of this man for free wants to give me a free autograph since it’s Walter Payton there’s nothing he can say or do

      It just felt weird having Walter charge anyone for an autograph when it’s something he never did so right as Walter was putting the check in his pocket and the man was thanking him for charging everyone for an autograph I walked over and said, “Walter can I have an autograph?”.Because I was 19 I expected Walter to take the check this man in Rosemont gave him put it in his pocket and with that man standing there having paid Walter for charging a whole room for autographs sign a free autograph for me How could I expect that?It was 1994 I was 19 and he was Walter Payton so I figured he can do anything

      Walter didn’t say yes or no when I walked over to him and asked for the autograph he didn’t say a word from there I walked away and Walter and the man from Rosemont were still standing there Walter was putting the check in his pocket the man gave him when I yelled, “Walter why don’t you give me an autograph?”.

      Two men walked towards me and stopped they were standing in front of me they never touched me Walter was standing there the man from Rosemont was standing there those Two men were standing in front of me neither one of them touched me I was 5 feet from Walter and loud enough so everyone could hear
      I shouted again, “Walter why don’t you sign an autograph for me.”

      Again nobody touched me as the Two men stood in front of me and I watched Walter talking to the man from Rosemont and Walter putting the check in his pocket One of the men who was standing in front of me had a look on his face and I knew what the look was if I wanted to stand 5 feet from Walter and while Walter was putting a check in his pocket and talking to the man from Rosemont shout loud enough for a bunch of people to hear, “Walter why don’t you sign an autograph for me?”.

      And all these people who just paid for a Walter Payton autograph would see me standing there and hear me shouting that I wanted an autograph and know I was trying to get a freebie after they just paid and they also would see Walter putting a check in his pocket from charging them nobody would touch me for shouting it but they were standing there so I didn’t walk over to Walter again while he was putting the check in his pocket and talking to the man from Rosemont I shouted again, “Walter why don’t you sign an autograph for me?”

      From there the Two men who were standing in front of me so I didn’t approach Walter again but hadn’t touched me right as Walter began to walk towards an open door also walked away Walter got into a limo the door was open so I saw him walk into the parkinglot I saw a limo with an Open door I saw Walter get into the limo and the door close and the limo drive of once Walter was in the parkinglot the Two men walked away

      While no one had touched me the fact that after I approached Walter once,walked away and I was 5 feet from Walter the Two men approached me so I wouldn’t approach Walter again the fact that Walter was charging for autographs didn’t seem right later on when I discovered somethings that were going on in Walter’s life and what other celebrities do I realized that Walter Payton had been in a position where he felt he needed to do the autograph show and charge for autographs as Jeff Pearlman reported Walter was addicted to painkillers and some of what Walter used may have been considered steroids and he was in a situation where weather it was because they got him the painkillers or not he felt he needed to give them what they wanted and charge for autographs onetime and when is the lasttime a celebrity says to the bodyguards,
      “If that guy wants to make a scene and shout that I need to sign an autograph for him so everyone who just paid for a signature while I’m standing next to a promoter and putting a check in my pocket stares at me and sees me putting the check in my pocket and wonders weather after they paid someguy will get a freebie it’s freespeech let him shout at me don’t touch him just stand there so he doesn’t walk backover to me again while I’m putting the check in my pocket as long as I don’t give a freebie the promoter won’t be angry at me over it.” Can you imagine Diddy or Jay Z saying that? So once I discovered all the facts I felt he had done his best to be a good guy to me

  4. Please, please tell me how McGwire cheated as he retired before testing began. And don’t give me that bogus Faye Vincent decree, which was as worthless as the paper it was written on if testing wasn’t involved.

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