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Just returned from the Panera bathroom. While I was in there, a man was standing at the urinal, grunting through a very long piss. Urrrrrrgggggggggh!! Quiet. Urrrrrrgggggggggh!! Quiet. Urrrrrrgggggggggh!! Quiet.

I’ve heard many different sounds from the urinal. Light mists. Strong tinkles. My second most memorable pee-related experience came about 10 years ago, when I urinated alongside Vin Scully in the bathroom closest to the Dodger Stadium press box. To hear the voice of baseball go, “Ahhhhhh …”—pretty priceless.

The winner, however, came in 2001, when I traveled to Seattle to profile Ichiro. I was interviewing Lou Piniella, the Mariners’ manager at the time, as he simultaneously ate a hoagie, smoked a cigarette, spoke to me and pissed. I was pretty young during Piniella’s playing career, so it was nice to see his agility hadn’t faded.

Just a few days ago I was at the urinal in a Chicago restaurant, and the man next to me was using his Blackberry and peeing at the same time.

Uncanny—but no Sweet Lou.

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