Senate unveils CompromiseCare

paris-crying-hard

Received this from my ol’ SI colleague, Franz Lidz. Good stuff … and sadly on point.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCareâ„¢:

  • Under CompromiseCareâ„¢, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.
  • Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
  • You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
  • States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
  • You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
  • You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
  • A patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.
  • You’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
  • Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”
  • You will be entitled to natural remedies, such as death.

2 thoughts on “Senate unveils CompromiseCare”

  1. Ah, another leftist progressive who thought that all they had to do was vote and then Dumbledore would come in with his magic wand and fix the world.

    It is always sad when children realize that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. But you know what is even sadder?

    It takes at least 10 years after that, and maybe even longer, for those kids to further realize that Mommy and Daddy were saving and scrimping and sacrificing to buy gifts.

    In other words, it just doesn’t happen. Sacrifices have to be made, and you don’t always get the perfect.

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