the most laughable ‘sports-writer’ on the planet.

Photo on 2010-01-28 at 19.48

I don’t visit Amazon all that often, unless I’m ordering something. Today, however, I wanted to see when my Clemens book is scheduled to come out in paperback. While there, I noticed Boys Will Be Boys has a whopping (for me) 58 reviews. Most of them were excellent.

However …

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars More crap from Pearlman, the worst sports writer in the world, right John Rocker?, January 4, 2010
By Ricahrd A. Salzer (Chesapeake, Virginia, USA) – See all my reviews

Pearlman is the most laughable ‘sports-
writer’ on the planet. Babe Laufenberg did
not QB the Cowboys the last two games of
the ’90 season for example. He only got one
start, Dec. 24th v. Atlanta, a 25-7 loss
to the Falcons. Laufenberg’s last pass of
the game went 27 yards to TE Jay Novacek
for a TD with 2:27 left in the game. It
would be Babe’s last NFL pass as he played
in the WLAF in 1991-’92. Laufenberg was a
decent and servicable QB who played for
the following teams: Washington (3x), San
Diego (2x), New Orlean, Dallas, Kansas City,
and Ohio of the WLF. If Laufenberg was so
bad, as the non-athlete Pearlman claims,
why did he last 10 yrs., in the Pros?

It’s easy for jerks like Pearlman, who must
know where the body is buried (Jimmy Hoffa?),
to stay employed with Sports Illustrated,
and criticize REAL Pro athletes, since he never
played Pro storts. He has no objectivity what-
soever. He knows Rocker was drunk when he in-
terviewed him and then used that to trash the
trash-talking Rocker to build himself up. Pearl-
man is slime with a capitol ‘S’. I personally
would like to take a golf club bat to his skull!

I suppose being called “the most laughable sports writer on the planet” isn’t so hot. And the points he made on Babe Laufenberg are actually incorrect. But what I find sort of odd is the line, “I personally would like to take a golf club bat to his skull.”

A. Why would Amazon allow such a thing?

B. What did I do to this guy?

C. What in the world is a golf club bat?

I’m thinking of calling him, to find out. If I do, I’ll let y’all know what he says.

18 thoughts on “the most laughable ‘sports-writer’ on the planet.”

  1. I thought the first rule of online writing was ‘don’t read the comments section’, right Jeff?

    I understand that by reading this, or replying to it, you would be also breaking said rule. So just nod in agreement.

  2. . . . holy shit, click on the guy’s name and read some of his other “reviews”.

    Why are they all about arena football? He also claims to have covered SuperBowl 37 and calls Larry Czonka the 3rd greatest football player of all time. This dude is hilarious, Pealrman, leave him alone.

  3. Yeah, the “You never played the game so you can’t criticize athletes” line is annoying. By that logic, if you’ve never been a professional chef, you can’t criticize a restaurant’s cooking. And if you’ve never run for office, you can’t criticize a politician.

  4. Vain much, Jeff?

    Jeff ran cross country. Which is usually what mothers want their sons to do when they are too weak to play real sports.

  5. I’m with Fitz on not reading the comments, as a general policy. But I hope someone out there is scraping and storing comments on news sites for the benefit of future anthropologists. They are pure Id. People say what they have been thinking since we were all in caves:

    “I’d like to kill, fuck, or perhaps fuck and then kill that person.” “I hate this person because she is more intelligent than I am.” “I envy what that person has.”

    It’s as though the thoughts go straight from the brain stem through the fingers. Fascinating.

  6. A: I guess Amazon doesn’t want to be accused of only publishing good reviews and the Internet is the great equalizer, as far as people offering their opinions.

    B: At the risk of being contrary, I know when I come across factual errors, it colors my opinion (full disclosure: I haven’t read this particular Pearlman book). I just hope I express it more gracefully.

    C: Sorry, Jeff, but someone is fall down on the job if you have to check Amazon to see when your book is coming out. Isn’t that what an agent/manager is for?

    1. Ron, not really. Harper published my last book, Gotham is publishing the next one, so it’s like being between families. And I certainly could have called someone to ask, but Amazon offers a direct response.

  7. I’d get medieval on his ass, Jeff, if you a) knew the first thing about the end of Babe Laufenberg’s career like every self-respecting American, or b) agreed with Rocker about Asians behind the wheel.

  8. hahahahaha, dude is a coconut. He loves anything Hawaii five oh, Arena Football, and Cheap Trick (reviewed a signed guitar). He is also seems to be a Libertarian interested in cults and conspiracies and likely mentally unstable.

    In addition to his review of your work, he left these gems:

    The authors basically tell the ‘loving public’
    what my Historical Review Library has said for
    years; The British Israel Federation is allow-
    ing the Chinos to steal our technology and ex-
    pand into becoming the next Soviet Union that
    naturally the United Nations (Rockefeller’s
    Bilderberg World Order front group) will want
    us to have another ‘Cold War’ with. Naturally
    the authors don’t mention ‘British Israel’ by
    name, but that’s who’s behind it. Publicly the
    ch*nks say they want to ‘bring light to the
    (poor) ‘dark’ continent, but really they want
    all the natural resources and then they will
    exterminate the dark*es and take over everything!
    Will Africa eventually become ‘China West’? I
    believe so, but read it for yourself – and weep!

    Government scam and bunco-artists are enticing
    foreignors to invade our country, legally or il-
    legally to take our jobs, increase profits and
    drive down our living wages.

    I guarantee a call would be hilarious, but he already seems pretty mad at you so I wouldn’t push his buttons.

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