Someone named Rex liked my blog. He read it and read it and read it and read it. Absolutely loved it.
Hell, he loved it so much that he started commenting regularly. Habitually. Obsessively. He commented so much that it started to give me a headache. Not one of those headaches that comes and goes with Advil. But a dull, gnawing headache; the equivalent of a really bad smell from someone’s armpit.
I didn’t mind any of Rex’s snide insults, because snide insults come with the profession (sometimes you write them, sometimes you take them). But, in Rex, I saw a unique chance to experiment. He repeatedly called me out for being against the First Amendment and freedom of speech. So, in the greatest ironic twist I could think of (and in the spirit of my favorite writer, the amazing Greg Orlando), I programed my blog to no longer run his posts and automatically erase past statements. I was curious how he’d respond. So I looked and looked and lookedâ€”then realized he can’t respond, because I’ve taken away his First Amendment rights. Whatever he writes just vanishes automatically. Bummer.
But, alas, I really didn’t take away his First Amendment rights at all. Because, just as a school can legally punish a student for standing up in class and screaming, “I AM MY SISTER’S DOG!!!!” I can expunge the musings on this blog of someone who I find irksome (just as someone who finds this blog irksome doesn’t have to read it). Rex (or whatever his real name is) can certainly start his own blog bashing me, or take out an advertisement in his student newspaper, or do whatever he wishes. But it’s my beautiful, wonderful, lovely First Amendment right to tell someone to bug off; to make him vanishâ€”and I’m proud to live in a country that provides me with such an opportunity.
God bless Rex!
God bless America!
PS: I must say again: I believe fully in free speech, and strongly encourage people to come here and slam me, if they so desire.
PPS: Rex, if you’re reading this, no offense. It’s nothing personal.