Photo on 2010-02-18 at 00.01

I am 37-years old, and I still get zits. Not all the time, and not to the point that I’m primed for an Oxy commercial. But it’s truly annoying, because two decades removed from the teenage years, well, I probably should be liberated from this shit.

Above is a photo of my new pimple. His name is Jed, and he arrived four or five days ago. I initially thought he would merely settle in as a little red guy, then vanish. But he got bigger and bigger, and now I figure I’m stuck with him for a couple of days. I tried calling the pound, but they refuse to attempt to capture anything this large.

When I get pimples, I try everything. Zit cream. Hot cloth. Finger squeeze. Nothing really works, save for time. So here I am, 37 and zit-marred, wondering whether I’ll ever get a prom date.