Guns! Beer! Great times!


So I was watching TV in Florida a few weeks ago when a commercial for a gun store came on. The narrative was riveting: In the first scene, a man breaks into a house and walks up toward the bedroom. The woman is alone, and she doesn’t have a gun. The man enters the room, points his Glock at her and then—FREEZE. The frame stops, and the second narrative begins. This time, a man breaks into a house and walks up toward the bedroom. The woman is alone, but she has a gun. She pulls it out of the drawer, and when the burglar approaches she whips out her weapon. The two are literally pointing their guns at one another, then—FREEZE. The frame stops again.

The message here was supposed to be simple: Buy a gun, because you never know …

Here’s the message I got: Buy a gun. That way, if someone breaks into your house, you’ll both get shot.

Seriously, why do people think owning a gun equals safety? Truth is, I would never, ever, ever want a gun in my house. Ever. You know what, Mr. Robber. Take the TV, take the laptop, take the blender. Take everything. Just don’t friggin’ shoot anyone. Odds are (and this has been proven before) a robber isn’t looking to kill/rape. He’s looking to steal—plain and simple. But what happens if someone points a gun at him? He does what anyone does. He fires. Bang, bang—you’re dead. Have a nice funeral.

I bring this up because, in a move than must be classified under “Are you people f***ing morons, or do you simply lack souls?” the state of Virginia’s General Assembly approved a law last week that allows people to carry concealed weapons into bars and restaurants that serve alcohol—and the House of Delegates repealed a 17-year-old ban on buying more than one handgun a month.

Let me re-state: Virginia, home of Virginia Tech, is insane. Loony. Pathetic.

I know … I know—Second Amendment! Guns! Second Amendment! Guns! Guns Good! Liberals Bad! Blah, blah, blah, blah. Can someone please tell me what possible good can come from such legal shifts? Can anyone?

Embarrassing, yet further proof that we do, factually, derive from monkeys.

18 thoughts on “Guns! Beer! Great times!”

  1. I’m anti-gun, but I think if someone breaks into the house of a single female and heads directly to the bedroom he’s looking to do violent crime as opposed to stealing someone’s TV, laptop or blender.

    Perhaps you missed the point of the commercial, Jeff.

  2. With all the accidents involving children and guns, where did they get this bright idea from? And that is just for starters? We license drivers and register cars. Why can’t we do the same for guns?

  3. I find it somewhat disconcerting that the Constitutional traditionalists — who are usually just cherry-picking their favorite clauses of the Constitution — seem to willfully ignore the “well-regulated militia” part.

  4. The late Mike Royko wrote an article of the dumbest gun accidents. One was of a guy who kept a gun under his pillow. One night the phone rang, and he blew his ear off. I think that’s a more likely scenario than an intruder.

  5. The problem was she didn’t have her Uzi.
    You know, the one she uses for deer hunting.

    It’s been said, if you own a gun it is more likely to be used on you. Or the thief will take it and use it on someone else.

    What we hear too much of is a child getting a hold of the family weapon and ending another child’s life.

  6. “Odds are…”

    Odds need to be weighted to be useful. Although I’m sure your children would be delighted to know how risk averse you are when it comes to defending your house.

    @Darrin – I’m sure Hitler, Stalin and genocidaires would agree with such a sentiment.

  7. when the right to bear arms was enacted it was in the 1700’s when there was a fear that English troops would rob people’s homes. that isnt a fear anymore.

  8. #3 – um, guns do have to be registered, and owners licensed.

    and you wrote: “With all the accidents involving children and guns…” Check your facts. There are about 40 accidental deaths for kids under 14 attributed to guns each year. Twice as many are killed by ingesting poison at home. Four times as many are killed on backyard playground sets. Ten times as many drown in the family pool.

    More kids die from falls at home then from gun accidents. So while I agree that allowing concealed weapons into bars is a bad bad idea, let’s not jump right into the anti-gun hysteria talking points.

  9. Classicist, sorry but I must have misse don the news the outbreak of armed, violent home invasions sweeping the US these days. Must be that damn liberal media bias again! Guns for everyone!

  10. I’m Venezuelan. Violent crime has risen dramatically in the past 10 years or so in this country. Still, it’s stupid to carry a handgun. Criminals here take that as an insult. Really. Say they board your car while you’re in it, then frisk you or search the car, and find a gun. They’ll shoot you with your own gun (even if you made no attempt to reach for it or use it). If you weren’t carrying a gun they would have just let you go and take your car.

  11. Believe me, I’m protecting my children from themselves by not having guns in the house. Especially the 9 year old, because she’s insane :). I’d have to lock any guns up tighter than a drum, which pretty much renders them useless against scary home invaders.

Leave a Reply