While sitting in O’Hare Airport yesterday I was introduced to this site,, an absolutely addictive little spot where you are matched up with random people all over the world. They see you, you see them—and you can chat or, if you don’t like the look of them, move on.

It was fun for a while, until I was reminded of a sobering truth: Guys are pathetic.

Why do I say this? Because of the 20 or so people I faced, 19 were men. And why do I think 19 were men? Because we’re pathetic. In our heads (not mine—I was bored in an airport. But generally speaking), we’re always looking to meet some hot chick to get freaky with. Even if we’re bald and schlubby and illiterate and un-showered and earners of $3.50 per hour at the local 7-Eleven. For some reason, we think Halle Berry is waiting around the bend, and that she’ll somehow want to get with us.

Which is ludicrous. Because if you’re Halle Berry, or you look like Halle Berry, or you live like Halle Berry, you sure as hell ain’t interested in a guy who scans for chicks on Chatroulette.