The final minute of a game …

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We now take you to a little hole-in-the-wall office in the middle of nowhere, where Jeff Pearlman is typing the final 50 seconds of his column. The action is gripping! Jeff, take it away …

Thanks, Kevin. What the Yankees offer fans this year is something different than the norm. In Curtis Granderson, the team has a centerfielder who can run like the wind and hit with power, yet Granderson has one giant—wait, time out! Time out! I have to refill my glass of water.

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This column is brought to you by Coca-Coca. When you need the refreshing taste of a cold soda, try Coca-Cola. It’s delicious and refreshing.

We’re back. Jeff Pearlman has 44 seconds to complete his column. Let’s return to The Office, where Jeff’s typing away …

OK, Kevin. Granderson has one giant flaw. It’s a big flaw. A really, really big flaw. But before I tell you this flaw, I’m going to write a little; run out the space. I have actually never met Granderson, but I did go surfing with Barry Zito years ago. Well, I watched him surf. Then we ate fish tacos near Manhattan Beach. It was cool. Boy, do I love fish tacos. Not the ones at Baja Fresh—the legitimate ones, with that tangy sauce that makes the tip of your tongue bubble. Ah, hell, my hands are tired. Gimme a time out …

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Jeff Pearlman’s column is brought to you by Clash of the Titans, in theatres April 2. Caught between two worlds, lost in the grip of love, Perseus will carry out a series of quests by the Gods in order to win the hand of his princess, Andromeda. Clash of the Titants—coming soon.

We return to Jeff Pearlman’s column. Jeff Pearlman’s column—brought to you by SportsWriter: 2010, available on Xbox and PlayStation. SportsWriter:2010—smell the ink. Jeff, there’s 20 seconds left. Whattaya got?

Well, Kevin, Granderson’s flaw is a big one, and I must say it now. If only the word were coming to me. But it’s not. I’m struggling. Damn, I’m really struggling. Time out.

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Jeff, we’re back. There’s 10 seconds left, and the pressure is fierce. Take it away …

Kevin, Curtis Granderson’s flaw isn’t speed. It isn’t power. It isn’t hustle. It’s much, much, much worse than that. The reason Curtis Granderson will cause the Yankees to lose 100 games this year is that, once upon a time, he was taking BP at a darkened, empty Yankee Stadium when the ghost of Babe Ruth flew up to him and said …

Jeff! Jeff! We’re sorry to interrupt, but we have to switch away. We now take you live to Kansas City, Missouri where Joe Posnanski is wrapping up his riveting piece on Mike Sweeney’s Hall of Fame chances. Joe, set the scene for us …

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