We now take you to a little hole-in-the-wall office in the middle of nowhere, where Jeff Pearlman is typing the final 50 seconds of his column. The action is gripping! Jeff, take it away â€¦
Thanks, Kevin. What the Yankees offer fans this year is something different than the norm. In Curtis Granderson, the team has a centerfielder who can run like the wind and hit with power, yet Granderson has one giantâ€”wait, time out! Time out! I have to refill my glass of water.
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Weâ€™re back. Jeff Pearlman has 44 seconds to complete his column. Letâ€™s return to The Office, where Jeffâ€™s typing away â€¦
OK, Kevin. Granderson has one giant flaw. Itâ€™s a big flaw. A really, really big flaw. But before I tell you this flaw, Iâ€™m going to write a little; run out the space. I have actually never met Granderson, but I did go surfing with Barry Zito years ago. Well, I watched him surf. Then we ate fish tacos near Manhattan Beach. It was cool. Boy, do I love fish tacos. Not the ones at Baja Freshâ€”the legitimate ones, with that tangy sauce that makes the tip of your tongue bubble. Ah, hell, my hands are tired. Gimme a time out â€¦
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We return to Jeff Pearlmanâ€™s column. Jeff Pearlmanâ€™s columnâ€”brought to you by SportsWriter: 2010, available on Xbox and PlayStation. SportsWriter:2010â€”smell the ink. Jeff, thereâ€™s 20 seconds left. Whattaya got?
Well, Kevin, Grandersonâ€™s flaw is a big one, and I must say it now. If only the word were coming to me. But itâ€™s not. Iâ€™m struggling. Damn, Iâ€™m really struggling. Time out.
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Jeff, weâ€™re back. Thereâ€™s 10 seconds left, and the pressure is fierce. Take it away â€¦
Kevin, Curtis Grandersonâ€™s flaw isnâ€™t speed. It isnâ€™t power. It isnâ€™t hustle. Itâ€™s much, much, much worse than that. The reason Curtis Granderson will cause the Yankees to lose 100 games this year is that, once upon a time, he was taking BP at a darkened, empty Yankee Stadium when the ghost of Babe Ruth flew up to him and said â€¦
Jeff! Jeff! Weâ€™re sorry to interrupt, but we have to switch away. We now take you live to Kansas City, Missouri where Joe Posnanski is wrapping up his riveting piece on Mike Sweeneyâ€™s Hall of Fame chances. Joe, set the scene for us â€¦