Bristol for $15,000

bristol_palin_gives_birth_to_a_son

According to Andrew Sullivan’s excellent blog, Sarah Palin’s daughter is about to become a public speaker. For between $15,000-$30,000, Bristol Palin will be available to address your conference, fundraiser, special event and holiday, as well as women’s, youth, abstinence and ”pro-life” programs. Or, to quote Sullivan, “getting knocked up has never been so lucrative.”

Let’s actually ponder this for a moment. Because we are an oft-stupid nation comprised of many stupid people, someone out there will actually fork over $30,000 to have a 19-year-old single mother speak on the value of abstinence. What makes her a worthy investment? Well, her mom is famous. And, eh, ahem, well, uh … I don’t know.

I do know that, on the list of so-called celebrities who I’d like to hear speak in an intimate setting, Bristol Palin ranks 456,432,346th. Here’s my abbreviated list:

1. Barack Obama

2. Stephen Hawking

3. John Lewis

4. Hank Aaron

5. Desmond Tutu

6. Nelson Mandela

7. Chuck D.

8. Alberto Salazar

9. John Oates

10. Jimmy Carter

456,432,341. Jayson Werth

456,432,342. Andy Cox

456,432,343. Tiffany

456,432, 344. Glenn Beck

456,432,345. My cousin Arthur

14 thoughts on “Bristol for $15,000”

  1. You would take Glenn Beck over a cute young lady? ……………………………………………………………. ARE YOU NUTS!!!

  2. sanford sklansky

    At least she isn’t living off of welfare. More power to her…….

    She can live off her rich mother.
    If she gets enough speaking engagements she can retire in a couple of years. I wonder if there are other places dumb enough to pay people like her to speak.

    As Mencken said no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public

  3. I hate to go there – but if this were Sasha or Malia O in a few years, NO ONE would be offering them a dime to talk about how they got knocked up as teenagers. Just saying. Double standards abound – even in these comments. At least she’s not on welfare? Um, most teen moms are on some sort of aid because IT’S A BAD IDEA TO HAVE A BABY WHEN YOU’RE A TEEN BECAUSE CHANCES ARE YOU’RE BROKE!

  4. My speaker list:
    1. Silent Bob
    2. Matt Damon
    3. Chris Rock
    4. Police Chief Wiggum
    5. Tim Tebow (just kidding)
    5. Victoria’s Secret Angels
    6. Morgan Freeman (as Nelson Mandella)
    7. Nelson Mandella (as Morgan Freeman)
    8. Conan O’Brian (at 11 o’clock)
    9. Barack Obama (with his sleeves rolled up)
    10. Marilyn Monroe or someone that looks like her—Anna Nicole Smith? What, she’s dead too? Shit.

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