Wedding Registry (Heed my warning)

Photo on 2010-06-03 at 21.41

My inlaws are moving from a house to an apartment, which meant that, earlier today, I had to go through their attic shelves and find any of our crap.

The first thing I picked up was the glass bowl pictured above. It was nestled happily in their snug shelving. Now it’s on my dining room table.


The bowl was received eight years ago, as a wedding present from, eh, somebody. Not sure who, though odds are:

A. It was expensive (I’m guessing about $200).

B. We registered for it (Trust me—wasn’t my doing).

C. We wrote a very nice Thank You note, along the lines of …

Dear Cousin/Uncle/Friend:

Thank you very much for the lovely glass bowl. It’s exactly what we wanted, and we can’t wait to place it in our new home. It is absolutely beautiful.

We were thrilled you were able to spend our special day with us, and hope you had a great time. We look forward to sharing many days with you in the future.

With love,

Catherine and Jeff

The wedding was in 2002. It is 2010. That’s eight years of non-bowl life, and we’ve been pretty happy. Two kids. Comfortable house. Written some books. In fact, today I picked up a ton of stuff from our wedding—none of which we apparently needed. Stemware. China. A heavy pot. Where we’re going to put all this crap, I have no remote idea. But I do know this: If you’re a young couple in love, and you’re about to get married—REGISTER AT HOME DEPOT, FOOT LOCKER AND MAYBE TARGET. MAYBE. FORGET CHINA AND CANDLES AND JUICERS AND ICE CREAM MAKERS, BECAUSE IT’S ALL WORTHLESS CRAP. W-O-R-T-H-L-E-S-S C-R-A-P. You’ll make ice cream three times. Four if you’re extremely bored. Same with juicing. And if you’re thinking of registering for a damn bread maker, well, the year is 2010. Get over it. Bread costs $1.29 a loaf. It ain’t worth the trouble.

I know women tend to rule the registry, but in my case we both went along. We had the scanner, crusied through Crate & Barrel and Bloomingdales, picked our toaster tongs and funky glasses. But nearly a decade later, we drink out of old glasses my grandma once found (long story) and we usually eat off the $1 plastic plates my kids dig.

So be wise. Go with the stripes.

6 thoughts on “Wedding Registry (Heed my warning)”

  1. This is absolutely spot on. My wife and I got married in November 2002 and an entire wall of our garage (we live in California, so no basements and only shoebox worth of room in the attic) is stacked with unopened wedding gifts.

    My favorites include: a cooking torch (for creme brulee, etc.), a wine bucket and something called a “salad spinner”. We’ve got all the stuff you mentioned, too.

    My wife mocked me for also registering at for a bunch of DVDs, but I’ve watched “Spider-Man” a lot more times than I’ve ever spun a salad, yo.

  2. Got a weight problem?

    Plastic plates? Made from oil?
    I don’t want to hear you complain about BP again.

  3. Lol well it’s 2010 so most couples are NOT registering for the traditional stuff. I know for a fact that my fiance was against wedding registries because he said the exact same thing – what do we need five sets of silverware and a fancy can opener for? So we put it together a few weeks ago with this iphone barcode scanner we had from and guess what my tech obsessed guy did? He scanned an iPad. And I KNOW his mom will question it but end up buying it. We have a Wii on there as well lol. Who needs a cutlery set when you can play some fun interactive games on your television? And secretly I kind of love it. I’m not a breadmaker type anyway – not sure why people try to get fancy with it.

  4. Seriouslly..what are some couples thinking with the fancy stuff on the registry??? Luckily, we went with only the practical stuff which a lot of it we still use like plates, glasses (pint glasses of course for Guiness) and what-not. However..the $150 coffee pot we got broke 3X under the warranty, so my $10 Mr Coffee will last till doomsday.

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