Breaking news! Breaking news!

Photo on 2010-07-08 at 14.48

With news somehow leaking out, we could no longer wait for tonight’s televised announcement.

Here, at long last, is the news you have been waiting for. It’s official—I’m going to O-Town!

First, I would like to thank me, for being a supreme talent with all of God’s ability. I’d also like to thank God, who made me so great. I’d like to thank my agent, my other agent, my record producer and, again, God. This is a big day for Jeff Pearlman and the Jeff Pearlman family.

And, once again, buy my T-shirts.