I am Jesus


A final thought on LeBron.

I was working out at the hotel gym last night when I saw the entirety of LeBron’s ESPN dialogue. At one point, he said something along the lines of, “LeBron James has to do what will make LeBron James happy.” Or something like that. And that’s when I thought to myself—truly, truly thought to myself—”Sports have gone soooooooooooooo far out of hand, it’s ludicrous.”

Athletes like LeBron James think they’re Jesus. They really do. Look at the tattoos, many of which serve as odes and monuments to themselves. I mean, across the top of his back James has an enormous blue tattoo that reads CHOSEN 1. For real. CHOSEN 1. Which isn’t all that different than the other tatts spread across his body—myriad messages that scream I AM A HOLY BEING! I RULE ALL!

Dude, you’re a basketball player. Literally, your blessed skill is to dribble, pass, shoot and dunk a round object in front of well-off humanoids who can afford outrageous ticket prices and $10 beers. You haven’t invented anything, designed anything, developed anything, altered anything. I hear James talk about himself and the sport as if they have actual consequence, and I want to vomit. It’s like The Truman Show, where Jim Carrey’s character is the last to know it’s all pretend; all make believe.

The lives men like LeBron James lead are not real. There are many athletes who get this; who understand the difference between fantasy and reality. There are others who don’t; who think they’re decision to move from Cleveland to Miami rivals the BP oil spill (LeBron: “The what?”) for importance and warrants a nation’s attention.

And, in a sense, it does. Because we are fools. Dolts. We fall for the same-old tricks, time after time after time.


4 thoughts on “I am Jesus”

  1. Jeff, I’m a huge sports fan. I have been all my life.

    I can’t bear to watch professional sports any longer. I gave up on MLB long ago. I never really was a fan of the NBA, so tuning that out was not hard, especially when LeBron came to town.

    Pro football I watched simply because of my fantasy football teams. I retired from fantasy this year, so even football becomes something I’ll try to avoid on Sundays.

    I really, really, really want to see pro sports come crashing down.

    I want to see a total collapse of professional sports as we know it today.

    Salaries are out of control. Ticket prices are out of control. Popcorn prices are out of control.

    And all that leads to the circus we (well, not me, I was watching Community on NBC) witnessed last night.

    Let the professional sports infrastructure collapse and rebuild it the way it should be.

    It’s funny, we all bitch and moan about the economy and the lack of jobs and everything else yet we line up to pay $100 to watch idiots like LeBron James for an hour, if the superstars decide to play for the full hour.

    I received free tickets to the Cleveland Indians home opener (only reason I attended the game…I’ve been to three games in three years…all home openers and all free tickets) and it still cost me $100.

    There’s something wrong with that.

    Our soldiers make $30K a year while LeBron makes that during a pregame when he performs his signature “look at me make a puff cloud of baby powder.”

    I know this tangent is now steering off course, but with all the turmoil and hate I see in this country, it’s time we require all citizens to serve in the military.

    That way guys like LeBron really contribute to society before they can run off and make their millions and laugh at the rest of us.

    Republicans, Democrats, Tea Partiers, Christian Fundamentalists…suit up…basic training awaits.

    My how different our country would be.

  2. I can understand Steve’s frustration, but I’m not bailing on sports, because of a few jackasses. I’ll just continue to watch on mute and then pick and choose who I want to read and listen to afterwards. there are still good things to be gleaned from sports, despite spectacles like the one we saw last night.

  3. Amen!

    However, at least he donated the proceeds of the circus to charity.

    On a side note, please tell me you guys all read the Mariano Riviera article in the New York Times Magazine.

    The man seems like a great han being, loves his family etc., but some of the ideas about G-d granting him the power to throw his special pitch seem very scary.

  4. Jeff, my friend, when you are right you are sooo very right. This whole orchestrated dog-and-pony show we were put through during the last 2 weeks was nothing short of obscene.
    I do not, in the least, begrudge LeBron going to Miami. It is HOW he did it that engages my gag reflex. He dragged the fans of the Cavs, and the whole franchise, through the muck and the mire just to self-promote a decision he’d probably made weeks ago. His actions were, IMHO, nothing short of sorry. And his whole “speaking in the third person”, self-important diatribe on the 4-letter network was disgusting.

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