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Terrell Owens

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Back when I was a kid, my mother had a friend who seemed to average one car accident every six months. There was always a reason—the breaks gave out, the road was too narrow, the other driver wasn’t looking, she was woozy from a doctor visit, etc. Of course, it dawned on me early on that she was simply a fool who couldn’t drive.

Did it ever dawn on her? Probably not.

According to, Terrell Owens thinks it’s unfair that nobody is trying to sign him. “I feel like I have enough talent to be a starter on any team,” he said. “That’s what’s so frustrating.” Owens is driving a car, hitting things repeatedly. He blames the road, the oncoming traffic, the tires. Maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll look back and say, “You know what? I was an anus and it caught up with me.”


Truth is, being an anus almost always catches up with people. Where has Barry Bonds gone? How about Albert Belle? John Rocker? So on and so on. When your talent is peaking, people will put up with your crap. But once you’re just average, or sub-average, it comes to a crashing halt.

Why is nobody signing Owens? Because he’s been a jerk for a looooong time.