At long last, my dreams have come true. For too long, I have been bound by the shackles of AOL. Of Gmail. Of Yahoo. They have lost my messages. They have had techical problems. With Gmail specifically, I struggle to find old messages.
Damn them!
Damn all of them!
Liberal scum!
At long last, we have an answer. Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of all time, and now his son is bringing us the greatest e-mail service of all time. For just $34.95 per year, you (yes, YOU!) can have a reagan.com e-mail address.
I know … I know—dreams can’t come true this easily. I know … I know—miracles don’t happen. Now, however, they do. Here, from his very own website, is what Reagan’s conservative son Michael has to say …
Hello, I am Michael Reagan, eldest son of President Ronald Reagan and like you I am deeply concerned about the future of our country.
Unfortunately we have another problem. People who believe in true Reagan Conservative Values are unwittingly supporting the Obama, Pelosi and Reid liberal agenda! What do I mean? Well, every time you use your email from companies like Google, AOL, Yahoo, Hotmail, Apple and others, you are helping the liberals. These companies are, and will continue, to be huge supporters financially and with technology of those that are hurting our country.
Is that where you want your money to go? I didn’t so I changed things. I came up with the very first conservative email service provider. You now can put your name next to the name of the Greatest Conservative of all, my father Ronald Reagan.
Click through right now for YourName@Reagan.com.
When you purchase your email address @Reagan.com you are supporting truly conservative causes and the proceeds from this conservative initiative will help me promote true Reagan values to win back our country in November and in 2012.
Granted, we don’t actually know what those causes are. And, granted, these days e-mail addresses are, ahem, free. But were Ronald Reagan alive, you can be certain he’d want you to fight liberalism by having an e-mail address in his name.
God bless America.
PS: No, this isn’t an SNL spoof.
