No. Shot.


From the website of the Houston Texans.

I’m not sure which guy I like more. The guy in the I LOVE HOT MOMS T-shirt is obviously ludicrously attired, but at least someone could find the apparel sort of funny. The dude in the jersey, however, can’t win. As a former jersey wearer, I’m willing to now admit that putting on a shirt featuring someone else’s name and uniform number isn’t the best way to meet the ladies. You’re not Andre Johnson, you’ll never be Andre Johnson and the four cheerleaders surrounding you know damn well you’re not Andre Johnson.

In my career, I posed for a photo with a cheerleader one time. The year was 1990. I was 18, and doing a story for my local paper, The Putnam Trader, about Mahopac High School’s cheerleaders attending sleepaway cheer camp. One of the instructors was Tammy Fitzsimmons, a cheerleader at the University of Texas. We were photographed together, and I stuck the picture in one of my clip books and never thought of it again.

Then, in the early 2000s, I was reading the Mets media guide. Under reliever Dennis Cook’s bio it mentioned that he was married—to a former cheerleader named Tammy Fitzsimmons.

Goooo team!