No. Shot.

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From the website of the Houston Texans.

I’m not sure which guy I like more. The guy in the I LOVE HOT MOMS T-shirt is obviously ludicrously attired, but at least someone could find the apparel sort of funny. The dude in the jersey, however, can’t win. As a former jersey wearer, I’m willing to now admit that putting on a shirt featuring someone else’s name and uniform number isn’t the best way to meet the ladies. You’re not Andre Johnson, you’ll never be Andre Johnson and the four cheerleaders surrounding you know damn well you’re not Andre Johnson.

In my career, I posed for a photo with a cheerleader one time. The year was 1990. I was 18, and doing a story for my local paper, The Putnam Trader, about Mahopac High School’s cheerleaders attending sleepaway cheer camp. One of the instructors was Tammy Fitzsimmons, a cheerleader at the University of Texas. We were photographed together, and I stuck the picture in one of my clip books and never thought of it again.

Then, in the early 2000s, I was reading the Mets media guide. Under reliever Dennis Cook’s bio it mentioned that he was married—to a former cheerleader named Tammy Fitzsimmons.

Goooo team!

5 thoughts on “No. Shot.”

  1. That’s funny because the bar I go to on Sunday’s to watch the NFL is packed full of people wearing jerseys of their favorite team!! We all must be losers…please come in some time and announce your feelings for jersey wearers to the people there. Problem is you probably won’t be walking out!

  2. I’m 34 (granted, 34 going on 14), and I kind of admit that wearing jerseys is one of those thing I do that I probably shouldn’t reflect on too closely.

    I still do it though. The thing that lost its luster for me quite awhile ago was getting autographs of current players. Now that I’m older than the guys on my favorite teams, it seems scary and weird.

    Now, guys that played when I was a kid, or legendary players of eras before that — they’re still fair game!

    To demonstrate, just a few years ago, Eagles HoF’er Tommy McDonald insisted that my wife and I wear his 1960 NFL Championship and Hall-of-Fame rings. I was speechless.

    Last year I got Ricky Watter’s (closer to me in age) autograph for charity. I had NO idea what to say to guy (who was much nicer to the fans than I would have expected, by the way).

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