Face Farts and Vaginal Pimples

In the spirit of my hypochondriacy, went to a neurologist yesterday to figure out what’s wrong with the leg.

In the spirit of, well, being weird, I asked her to name the grossest thing she’s ever seen as a doctor.

Mary Sinclair, a wonderful woman/physicisn, had two stories:

First, while in residency she and a peer were somehow positioned behind a sleeping obese woman and her bare rear end. The patient was big. Like, really big. And, for whatever reason, Dr. Sinclair and her partner had to be positioned right by her anus. They were doing what doctors do, looking, probing, probing, looking, when …

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

The patient, asleep, sprayed ass gas all over Dr. Sinclair’s partner. But not just gas—like, that shit-like, brown-tinted mist that sometimes emerges from my dog Norma’s anus after she’s chewed on too many crayons.

The second tale might be better. Another time, Dr. Sinclair was walking through the hospital with a mentor. There was a patient who was complaining about her vagina, so Dr. Sinclair and the mentor took a look. Although Dr. Sinclair was the student (or whatever it’s called), her mentor was extremely, extremely hands on, and insisted on doing everything.

They asked the woman to undress, and upon scanning her vagina they spotted a large pimple. The doctor used her hand to pop it and—SPLECH!—it exploded all over her face.

“You still have some in your hair,” Dr. Sinclair told her afterward.

“I know,” responded the doctor. “I know.”

PS: Unrelated. Did anyone see Florida governor Charlie Crist throw out the first pitch at Rangers-Rays last night? Dear God.

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