Christina Aguilera is available

And, from my afar observation, you’d have to be sorta nuts to get involved with her.



Great voice.


Like, mega-diva. According to People Magazine, Aguilera and her husband, a background dancer named Jordan Bratman, have separated after five years of marriage. I like Bratman, for no other reason than he’s an average-looking Jewish dude with a goatee in his 30s (cough, cough) who somehow landed a hot singing star (I landed a hot social worker. Always take the social worker over the singing star). But, truth is, celebrities need to marry other celebrities, in the same way horses and goldfish can’t procreate. Celebrities have enormous egos that need to be soothed and cared for at all hours. If you don’t remind a celebrity he/she is beautiful/smart/cool/popular at least 1,000 times per hour, the person is likely to crumble and fall apart. Hell, look at Pauly Shore.

I’ve found myself sorta interested in Aguilera through the years, because she boasts an amazing voice and, whenever I accidentally hear her speak, I think, “Dear God—she’s arrogant.” Which doesn’t mean I’m happy her marriage is ending. Certainly, I’m not.

But it is interesting.