Batman is a fraud

So my son Emmett recently had his 4th birthday party, and the theme was Batman.

The boy is all about the Dark Knight lately, which is cool and great and neat. Batman was dark, Batman was brooding, Batman kicked ass and smacked around the Joker.

And yet, the more I’m exposed to Batman, the less impressed I find myself. Or, to put it differently: Superman was born on Krypton. He flew millions of miles to earth, and draws his powers from the sun. The Flash was a scientist who gained crazy speed when a lightning bolt struck his lab. The Hulk was also a scientist who, after being exposed to gamma rays, gained superior strength. The Green Lantern has a ring that provides him with myriad gifts. Spiderman was bit by a radioactive spider. Wonder Woman is an Amazon with super strength and speed. Fuck, even the damn Wonder Twins can turn themselves into a donkey and the shape of an ice cube.

Batman is just a dude. He can’t fly. He bleeds. His muscles can shrivel. He’ll get old and eventually die. Were he to fight any superhero, he’d pretty much get his ass kicked from Mahopac to Montreal. The guy wears a cape and can’t even fly.

What a waste.

16 thoughts on “Batman is a fraud”

  1. Fraud or not– don’t be dissin’ on my man Adam West. You couldn’t find a photo of George Clooney’s nipple suit to use above?!?!

  2. Unlike Superman or the Flash, Batman has a clear and compelling motivation for his actions. And I agree with Eric that his fragility and mortality serve to make him more interesting than the others.

  3. Batman’s always been my favorite superhero *because* he isn’t a “super” hero. He’s just a stone cold badass dude with a lot of pent up anger. I can certainly relate to that (even if my parents haven’t been murdered) a lot more easily than I can relate to being from another planet and being able to fly. Why is Superman interesting when he is basically unstoppable?

  4. Read any comic and Batman lays waste to any other hero or villain. His superpower has essentially become that he’s just super prepared for everything and can handle it. And his list of accomplishments is way more impressive than anyone else’s as well: Took down a group of Martians with all of Superman’s powers, defeated the God of Evil, incapacitated Superman on numerous occasions, shook off a mind-wipe from Zatanna, and while having his memory copied in empty bodies to create an evil army of Batmen for the Evil God his memories were so terrible that the bodies killed themselves because only Batman can handle the tragedy that is his life.

  5. The beauty of Bat Man is that theoretically anyone (with the right amount training, etc) can be Bat Man.

    You can’t be Spider-Man unless a radioactive spider bites you. You can’t be the Hulk unless a Gamma Bomb explodes near year. You can’t be the Green Lantern unless you save an alien.

    And Superman is really just a regular dude on his planet. Here, he’s the best of the best. The other characters there is a very, small, tiny remote possibility that you could be them. There is no possibility that you could be Superman.

    Bat Man (and even Captain America) were just regular guys who worked really hard to become the heroes that they are today (of course Captain America had some help) but the point is the same.

    You’re looking at this the wrong way.

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