Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The man we need

Based on a CNN report from this morning, it sounds as if John Bolton is strongly considering a run for the presidency in 2012.

Bolton, for those of you who (wisely) forgot, served under George W. Bush as the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. He was the guy who believed in tough, tough, tough, tough love—as in, “Fuck all y’all. We’re America and we do exactly as we please! Motherfucker!”

Bolton, who like every other Republican serves as a Fox News consultant, said he’s very worried about our nation’s foreign policy. “I’m concerned,” he said, “that we hardly talk about it at national-level debates in the mainstream media.” He also said Barack Obama seems to view national security issues as an “irritation, a distraction from what his real priorities are.” Bolton added (in his head) that we need to start shooting more people, because blood is red, and part of our flag is read, so that’s really cool. Also, he’s psyched for the upcoming Smurfs movie and cherishes re-runs of Touched By an Angel.

But I digress. Bolton makes a great candidate, because he’s yet another loon up on a stage alongside Sarah (I Can See Russia From My House) Palin, Rick (The Earth is 12 Years Old) Santorum, Mitt (Don’t Believe What I Said Yesterday Because That Was Different Than Today) Romney, Newt (Live Morally–Fuck All The Ladies) Gingrich and every other This-president-was-really-born-in-Chad! dolt. These people make Obama look even more sane than he is, and even more presidential than he’s not.

So Bolton 2012! Hells yeah.