Loud! Loud! LOUD!

Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBS Sports’ website. I’m not sure how, or why, but he is.

This was the opening from his latest piece:

Some day, if I play my cards right, I will be granted a Heisman vote. Such a responsibility is given only to the few, the proud, the douchebag.

Well, it was given to six douchebags. The six who have grandstanded their way into the Cam Newton story


Who do you think you are? And I’m talking to all six of you, two of whom I know well, and like very much. This doesn’t change anything for me, Mike Bianchi or David Whitley. Still love you guys. But this decision of yours, this holier-than-thou proclamation to protect the integrity of the Heisman, makes me want to vomit.


If you read this blog, you know I like to bellow. I do so because, simply, this is the place to do it. I only represent myself, and—just being honest—I started this blog as a place to vent freely. That people choose to read it is an absolute blessing, and I’m thankful beyond belief. But, come day’s end, it’s my little spot to whine.

Doyel, on the other hand, is a columnist. Even if, in this case, he’s “technically” writing for the CBS Sports blog—it’s still a column. And a place that pays his salary. Columnists are, generally speaking, paid to make wise and reasoned and nuanced arguments. Do we always succeed? Certainly not—just look at my stuff from si.com and espn.com, and you’ll be able to pick out a good ol’ heaping of flops. But to begin a piece with the sentence: “Some day, if I play my cards right, I will be granted a Heisman vote. Such a responsibility is given only to the few, the proud, the douchebag.”—well, it’s just a pathetic and lazy effort from a man holding a hammer. (Really, he’s holding a hammer.). Are there no editors at CBS? No veterans willing to say, “Eh, that’s not so great”?

I have no reason to think Doyel isn’t a nice guy, and certainly he knows how to piece together sentences. But his general print tone is that of a loudmouthed announcer—I’LL SCREAM LOUDER THAN THE OTHER GUY, AND THEREFORE I’LL WIN!!!!!! SEE, I’M SCREAMING!!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!


11 thoughts on “Loud! Loud! LOUD!”

  1. Keith Ryan Cartwright

    The irony here is that he’s the douche bag, who’s the seventh writer trying to insert himself into the same story by writing about it.

  2. So as an admitted failure at “wise and reasoned and nuanced arguments,” your only beef here is his opening sentence? Looks to me like you’re trying to insert yourself into the story. Meanwhile, the actual story gets buried. Must be a slow news day.

  3. He might work for CBS, but he is supposed to write in a blog type fashion, and there is probably a reason for this at the bottom: “The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com”

  4. Jeff, I like Gregg’s stuff for the same reason I like yours and I read yours: You give opinions and you don’t give a shit if people don’t like your opinions. You speak freely because you speak so confidently. You are both very good at that.

  5. Agreed. Doyel is what’s wrong with the media today. Instead of providing commentary on a story, he tries to become the story (see Mariotti, Skip Bayless, Stephen A Smith, etc.). These days it’s “look at me! LOOK AT ME!!”.

    As a reader, I just want to read an interesting opinion. I don’t want some contrived devil’s advocate BS (Bayless) or angry settling of scores in columns (Doyel).

  6. You make an important point that can’t be emphasized enough: that type of writing belongs on a blog, and that’s where people go for it. If they go to CBS or some other legit outfit, they expect better.

    I was going to say “something different and more nuanced” so as to not insult the author. But hey, he has no problem tossing out insults, so why should I?

    The sad thing is that he has a lot of character that he conveys in his writing and can potentially engage the reader with his prose. What I don’t think he realizes is that what he writes does come across as alienating. The reader doesn’t feel like they’re reading something or being brought into a conversation so much as being talked to, and as such are less likely to respond well to it.

    Also, it’s super hacky.

    For shame, dude. And put the hammer down. It’s cheesy.

  7. Not to sound like an old fart, but I just can’t imagine the likes of Red Smith or Shirley Povich or Jim Murray being photographed holding a hammer with a menacing expression.

    Having said that, I found myself agreeing with some of his points (especially his example of sanctimonious Baseball Hall of Fame voters). But, I think he could make an argument – even a compelling one – without name-calling.

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