The black bat

Beneath my bed is a black bat. I bought it at a Chatham A’s game in 1999. It’s heavy, thick and hard. Were it to crash into somebody’s skull, well, the bat would probably remain in pretty good shape.

I bring this up because, last night, my neighbor’s house was broken into. She’s a nice woman in her 60s, and the thief used a crowbar to crash through a window and enter. Not only did the thug (or thugs) ramshackle the home, but they stole lots of stuff—including her wedding ring.

Right now, I want to take my black Chatham A’s bat and slam this guy in the head. Were he standing in front of me right now, and were I holding the bat, I’d swing away. Hard. I would aim high, I would aim low. I’d scream, “How’s that feel, bitch! How’s that feel!”

Or, maybe not.

Truth is, I’m not a violent person. At least not out of the moment. But what would I do, were I in bed and made aware of someone creeping up my steps? Would I call 911? Of course. But would I grab the bat, creep toward my kids’ rooms and break out the ol’ George Foster stance? I believe I would.

Then, with any luck, I’d swing away. And connect.

Man, this pisses me off.

3 thoughts on “The black bat”

  1. I had my apartment robbed. The thieves left the door wide open for me to find.

    More painful by far than the loss of my possessions was the feeling of violation. And if I had my chance, I would have swung like Mighty Casey only, you know, with less hubris and an eye toward a more successful resolution.

  2. I have a Juan Samuel Louisville Slugger standing next to my bed that my dad gave me about 23 years ago. As long as there weren’t multiple intruders, I’d use it, but I would avoid the head after reading this short story from Sherman Alexie’s solid collection War Dances: http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/PEN-Faulkner-Award-Winner-War-Dances-by-Sherman-Alexie/1

    Interesting read. Alexie is one of my favorite fiction writers. The Absolutely True Adventures of a Part-Time Indian is one of my favorite novels of the last few years, and The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven is one of the all-time great short story collections.

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