JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Shoveling

We missed the winter’s first huge blizzard two weeks back, so today was my first go at shoveling. Wasn’t so bad, but as I was going up and down the driveway I had a thought: Metal.

I want a metal driveway. With heated springs beneath. When the driveway is covered in snow and/or ice, you flick on the switch to, oh, 80 degrees and watch the sludge melt into water. You install a drain, so the runoff all heads down a slope and out into the ocean …

This surely exists. And I imagine 80 degrees would be a major fire hazard.

But, dammit, I hate shoveling.

PS: Amazing. One Google search—and here it is.