JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

Shoveling

We missed the winter’s first huge blizzard two weeks back, so today was my first go at shoveling. Wasn’t so bad, but as I was going up and down the driveway I had a thought: Metal.

I want a metal driveway. With heated springs beneath. When the driveway is covered in snow and/or ice, you flick on the switch to, oh, 80 degrees and watch the sludge melt into water. You install a drain, so the runoff all heads down a slope and out into the ocean …

This surely exists. And I imagine 80 degrees would be a major fire hazard.

But, dammit, I hate shoveling.

PS: Amazing. One Google search—and here it is.

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