Help wanted: Inquire within

According to TMZ, in the leadup to the Super Bowl Dallas (of all cities) is in need of …

More footballs? No.

More burgers? No.

More Romo jerseys? Definitely no.

What Dallas needs is more … strippers. Dallas? The strip joint capital of America (some would argue Tampa wins this one, but I’d favor Dallas. Not that I would, ahem, know). According to John Walsh of Showtime Cabaret, “his fine establishment employs 50 lovely ladies … but he’s in the market for another 100-120 lap dancers to get down for the big weekend — STAT!”

Honestly, knowing Dallas as I do from Boys Will Be Boys, I’m shocked by this. Seriously, there are more strip clubs in Big D than there are Waffle Houses. And, man, are there a shitload of Waffle Houses.

PS: I’ve probably been to five strip clubs in my life. Two or three for bachelor parties, once when I was a Tennessean intern, once for Cowboys “research.” I’d rather be coated with 1,000 vipers than be the guy in the above photo. Just sayin’.