Climate change doesn’t exist …

… and that’s why the head of a hammerhead shark being sound off of, ahem, Seattle makes no sense.

Because if climate change did exist, it might explain the increased temperatures of Puget Sound waters attracting some warm water species. And it might explain the alarming melting polar ice caps. And it might explain the unprecedented warming of Lake Tanganyika, the second oldest and the second-deepest lake in the world. And it might explain how 2010 was the hottest year on record. And it might explain how, last August, Greenland’s Petermann glacier’s retreated 15 kilometers, leaving it further inland than it has been since observations began a century ago.

Fortunately, climate change does not exist. It’s an incredible hoax, devised by a team of wicked scientists and the members of the media to stop big business and Fox News from gaining power.

Thank God.