If only …

So it turns out that Brandon Davies, the BYU center, was suspended from the basketball team for the remainder of the season because he violated the school’s honor code by engaging in premarital sex.

In other words, I went to the wrong college.

At the University of Delaware, I’m pretty sure the basketball players were required to have sex. With everyone. And everything. That moved. Which made me ineligible to play for the team, or even serve as its manager or towel boy. However, I would have been a star at BYU. No sex? Crap, I just wanted to kiss a girl.

Now starting, for your Cougars, a 6-2 forward from Maaaaahopac, N.Y., Jefffffff ….

Many conservative sorts will admire BYU for upholding their prinicples. I get that. But what if your principles are just plain stupid? Somewhere on Planet Guubdbjsq in the Quad 5 Galaxy, a bunch of Guubdbjsq-ians are watching us through an enormous telescope. They see the oceans heating up, the glaciers melting, war in the Middle East, corruption on Wall Street, buffoons calling the shots …

… and, in Guubjab, the official language of Guubdbjsq, they’re saying to themselves, “This guy got kicked off his basketball team for snagging a li’l somethin’ somethin’?”

I agree.

7 thoughts on “If only …”

  1. It’s sad/stupid. Why would you go to a school like that? It’s kind of on THEM unless of course that was the only school that gave you a scholarship, which I find kind of outrageous.

    BYU’s honor code bans tea, coffee, tobacco, alcohol, swearing, drugs, porn, premarital sex. They also must attend church regularly. Seriously.

    I had 2 buddies that I went to school with in/from Boston that went to Bob Jones University. Never heard of the school but that is THE conservative school. One was a VERY liberal black and the other was a moderate. They’re best friends with each other, party VERY hard, and go to Church each Sunday happily with their mothers.

    They got snitched on by a couple other students that were tight asses. They have a point system that adds up to over 100.
    So they lost points for Hugging + Holding Hands (seriously). Even if they were off campus, somebody could/did snitch on them. They attended a different church than the one they were supposed to. If you went to Bob Jones, you had to attend a certain church.

    I hope Brandon Davies transfers. Fuck BYU.

  2. I love that picture. The dude in the hoodie looks like he’s about to explode.

    Somehow I have a hard time believing that Brandon Davies is the only guy on the BYU basketball team who has gotten laid, cursed, had a beer, or jerked off to porn.

    It’s the religion, so I can respect that. Just not a real smart move allowing himself to get caught.

    Better have been some damn good sex to be worth it.

  3. One presumes Davies was informed of the honor code before he signed his LOI and accepted an athletic scholarship to the university.

    Buy the ticket, take the ride … or find someplace else with fewer nutty rules.


  4. I don’t have a problem with the penalty. He chose to go to the school, he knew what would happen if he broke the code.
    At first I wondered if he had a cup of coffee to get him through a final.
    Then the reports of sex.
    Wonder how Jim McMahon got through that?

  5. jmw, I was thinking the same thing. I wonder who ratted this kid out. I am guessing he didn’t go to the dean or what ever and admit it.

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