Suck it

So a few hours ago I was walking along a sidewalk in Rye when I heard two teenaged boys slinging shit toward one another.

“You’re an ass,” Kid One said.

“Suck my dick,” responded Kid Two.

Though I haven’t uttered the phrase “Suck my dick” in years, I used to use it all the time. To friend. To enemies. To girls. To boys. It’s sort of a kid rite of passage. At some point, all boys tell other people to suck their dicks.

Which, if you think about it, is quite odd. What if, instead of saying “Suck my dick,” someone said, “Lick my anus with your tongue”? Or “Take your hands and stroke my penis”? How would this go over? I’m guessing not well. Yet, somewhere along the line, telling someone to give you a hummer became part of accepted yang slaughtering. It’s weird, because—generally speaking—straight American boys have yet to develop any sort of sexual sensitivity. In other words, they still use horrible phrases like “fag” to describe someone. Yet, seconds later, they’ll instruct someone to suck their dicks.

Maybe it’s time to change this one.

Just maybe.

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