JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The 17-inch dog poop

Some of you might remember my blog post of a few weeks ago, when I spoke of my family’s commitment to doing at least one good deed per week. I explained how, after a flight to Los Angeles, I bought dinner for a lovely couple beginning their honeymoon to Australia.

Anyhow, in the course of the flight the three of us started talking dogs. Specifically, Ryan said he was the owner of a canine who could make a legitimate, non-steroid-enhanced 17-inch string of shit.

“No way,” I said. “Not possible.”

He broke out his cell phone and showed me the photo.*

“Amazing!” I said. “E-mail me that, and I’ll put it on my blog.”

And here we are.

I don’t know much about dog poop. My dog Norma is small, so most of her deposits are little balls. Sometimes, after she eats my son’s crayons, she poops rainbows. Which, I’ve long thought, is the perfect name for a 90s rock band—Pooping Rainbows.

Rainbows, however, are not long; certainly not 17 inches. I’m not sure if there’s a Guiness etching for canine excrement, but we might be looking at one here.

Oh, here’s a photo of the dog …

* If you’re wondering why anyone would carry around a picture of their dog’s 17-inch shit, well, that is a fair question. I have no dog poop photos on my iPhone. However, my dog has never pooped a 17er. Perhaps that’s the difference.