I just want to watch a movie, dammit

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Sitting in a Hilton. Bored. Turn on the TV. A whopping 33 channels, but nothing good on. Sports, politics, religious blather. I want a movie, dammit. A good one.

Alas, I press MENU, and there are no film options. I’m expecting a list of new releases, classics, etc. Nothing.

I decide to call to the front desk and ask whether I’m missing something; if—in fact—it’s possible to order a film via TV.

I press 0 on the phone. Operator answers. “Yes, I’m in room 770. I’m trying to order a movie on my TV, but there are no options.”

A pause. Shockingly awkward.

“Yes, Mr. Pearlman. We no longer have special movies for guests to order.”

She hangs up. “Weird,” I think to myself.

Then I realize: She presumed I wanted a porno.

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