Pop some tags …

Screen Shot 2014-07-19 at 11.21.37 PMWhen, a few weeks ago, the wife suggested we hold a tag sale, I wasn’t feeling it. I pictured a lawn filled with our old crap, and strangers combing through the wreckage, looking to pay $1 for something that, not long ago, cost $50.

Well, today we held our tag sale. And it was, by and large, a lawn filled with our old crap, and strangers combing through the wreckage, looking to pay $1 for something that, not long ago, cost $50.

But that’s OK.

Being that we’re moving to California in less than five weeks, something needed to be done with the old books and the closet hangers and the random Home Depot purchases that seemed to be a wise idea at the time. Here are some quick thoughts from a day that brought us a solid $330 (or so) …

1. Tag sales are terrible for folks with bad backs: I have a bad back. To be specific, I have decay between the discs. I spent much of today doing stuff like this …

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Which, on the one hand, is sorta cool, because it makes a 42-year-old loser suburban dad with an SUV feel momentarily powerful. And yet, I pretty much can’t move right now. So … not so terrific.

2. Tag sales are a wonderful way to meet neighbors. Of course, we’re leaving. So that does us absolutely no good.

3. If you’re even remotely nostalgic, tag sales are brutal. I happen to be painfully nostalgic—everything reminds me of something. So giving away the books we used to read to my children when they were tykes … crushing. Mugs from different places … brutal. Plates that remind you of a sunset, of a big game, of pretty much anything … rough. I didn’t cry today, but I felt like crying. My kids are growing up, I’m growing older—and some guy is trying to bargain me down from $4 to $1.

4. Nobody wants your box filled with 200 old Sports Illustrateds. Bummer.

5. If you love free stuff (even used free stuff), your ideal spot is a tag sale—10 minutes after it ends. Suddenly, I was giving out picnic tables and books and gardening tools as if I were Santa Claus in July. Which I’m not.

6. We, as a people, buy waaaaaay too much shit. I’d be, oh, $200,000 richer had I not bought unnecessary nonsense throughout life. Did I really need a bread maker? How about the O.J. Anderson Cardinals’ jersey? Holding a tag sale makes you come face to face with everything you’ve ever purchased. It ain’t a pretty sight.

Word.

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