The Atlanta Bread Company is Trying to Destoy Me

I took this video a few moments ago. Ignore the Clemson hat, the large nose, the goatee. Focus on the music. The awful, dreadful, unbelievably terrible music.

Damn you, Atlanta Bread Company.

Damn you.

Most of my day was spent across the street, at a little independent joint called Hastings Tea. It’s delightful and friendly, and the barista plugged in his iPod and played a lot of Nirvana Unplugged. It was terrific. But them, for some reason, I came here—and ordered a drink. Didn’t notice the music until I sat down.

Now, I can’t stop listening. I’d say it’s some sort of Kenny G compilation, but I’m pretty sure Kenny G is significantly better than this shit. I’m quite convinced that somewhere, deep within the bowels of the Atlanta Bread headquarters, some evil mastermind picked these tunes with the very idea of driving folks out of the restaurant. People order. People pay. People sit. People notice their ears starting to bleed. People leave.

I really am baffled. Were I a coffee shop/restaurant owner, I’d keep the music cool but inoffensive. I’m thinking lots of non-Sexual Healing Marvin Gaye, some Pearl Jam, Nirvana, a little Billy Joel, Elton John, Hall and Oates, Joan Jett.

But this … this is ridiculous.

PS: Added note: Just met the manager in the bathroom. Lovely guy. Said the music isn’t his call. All corporate.