Liam

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Not sure why I noticed this, but Liam Payne—one of the guys from One Direction—is trending right now. Which is crazy entertaining.

The young ladies looooove Liam, apparently. Having witnessed the Michael Jackson phenomenon, the New Edition phenomenon, the New Kids on the Block phenomenon, the Backstreet Boys phenomenon, the Nsync phenomenon … well, I get it. I truly do. Teenage hormones run wild, and all they want to do is meet Liam because, dammit, he would love them and comfort them and (OMG!) marry them.

Here’s what I’d like to see as the next reality show: Just once, I want a girl dreaming of Liam to actually meet Liam. I want her to spend a week with him. She can sit with him as he takes a dump, smell the cigarette smoke oozing off his clothes, see how he blows snot from each nostril. She can listen to his voice in the raw, watch him pick zits from his forehead, absorb his breath after a tuna sandwich. In a way, I went through something like this when I started covering sports. I entered the Major League clubhouses a wide-eyed boy, and exited begging never to return.

It’s the harsh reality of living. That few things—if fully explored—ever meet the hype.

Even Liam.

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