Roll Tide! Roll Press!

Screen Shot 2014-11-14 at 1.52.33 PM

This may well be the greatest thing ever. And I’ve witnessed many great things.

The University of Alabama is holding an auction, with the winner receiving four passes to spend the big Western Carolina game sitting … in the press box!

Yes! The press box!

I love Alabama, and I love press boxes, so I can tell you—it’s fucking thrilling! And I’m! Using exclamation! Marks on purpose! It’s! Thrilling!

In the press box, there are long rows of desks! Where one can place his laptop! In the press box, overweight men in bad sweaters type! And Tweet! Sometimes, when nobody’s looking, they visit this site! But only sometimes! When nobody’s looking!

In the press box, there’s free soda! With cups! There’s a lunch area that costs, usually $8! The people who serve the food wear gloves! And smile! Sometimes!

Once the game starts, the press box gets serious! Overweight men in bad sweaters complain about the food served by the people wearing gloves! They whine about declining newspaper circulation! They use the bathroom, then get more free soda!

Sometimes, words are written!


In the press box, there’s always one guy who’s been there for 40 years! His nickname is usually Skip or Pops! He wears the home team’s colors, and cheers when someone scores! Why is he there! We have no idea!

But it’s amazing!

The current high bid is $750! But that’s crazy!

There’s free soda!