JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The angry old man

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So I pulled up to my new favorite coffee shop out here in Southern California, and there was only one parking spot left. Regrettably, it was reduced in size by, oh, 17 percent by this obnoxious vehicle and a truly awful job of maneuvering the wheel …

Screen Shot 2014-11-17 at 12.36.20 PMI’m a nice guy. Well, I think I’m a nice guy. But I have my moments. They usually involve either:

1. Hard-core conservatives who call Obama a Muslim.

2. Folks who leave their trays of half-eaten food on a table at restaurants that call for patrons to clean for themselves.

3. Circus clowns.

4. Bad parkers.

Shit, I hate bad parking. I really, really do. Because, when you exit your vehicle, you inevitably have to realize that you did a shit job. In particular, I hate shit parkers who drive inexcusably large vehicles that get less than 10 miles per gallon. I mean, if you’re gonna choose a tank as your means of transportation, at least park it well.

Long story short, I left this note …

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And now I feel like an asshole.

Because it was mean and unnecessary.