Fox Sports Girls

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So I’m admittedly late to this party, but I just realized today that Fox Sports has an entity called the, “Fox Sports Girls.”

It’s a brilliant concept, one you can learn about by visiting the Fox Sports Girls Facebook page. In short, the network hires a bunch of young hotties, dresses them in form-fitting clothing then has them interact with fans. Now, by fans, I generally mean half-drunk men slobbering over a plate of mashed potatoes at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. But it can also mean fully drunk slobbering men slobbering over a plate of mashed potatoes at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. Either depiction works just fine.

To become a Fox Sports Girl, one must audition—as Jennifer did. According to Fox Sports, one must be a big sports fan and enthusiastic about your hometown team. What goes unsaid, of course, is that you have to be skinny, sexy and bubbly. Wait, bubbly might matter, might not. But you definitely have to be skinny and sexy.

And what’s the payoff? Big bucks? I’m thinking no. Fame? I couldn’t name one. Stardom? Meh. No, the big payoff is this. If you become a Fox Sports Girl, and you do it well, one day you just might join seven of your Fox Sports Girl peers in standing alongside the Joe Buck at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game!

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 9.45.29 AMYes, you, Tiffani with an I! You will be flown to the 2015 midsummer classic in (dreams come true!) Cincinnati, Ohio. You’ll be put up in a Hampton Inn (the comforters are cleaned with each new guest!) and lavished with a $20-per-day per diem. You will meet Erik Arneson, the vice president of communications for all of Fox Sports, who will walk you up to the stadium conference room. You will stand two Fox Sports Girls to the left of Mr. Buck, who might give you the once over while checking his cell phone to see if anything happened in his Words With Friends game. Then, and only then, a photograph will be taken.

And, yeah. That’s about it.

But, wait. There’s more. By becoming a Fox Sports Girl, you will contribute to the continued pattern of marginalizing women in sports. Why are there no Fox Sports Boys? Duh—because (most) boys don’t have breasts. But there are always women to look pretty. To place along the sidelines in inconsequential roles. To ignore when they want to actually call play by play of football or men’s basketball.

Sigh.

PS: This might be the best exchange ever …

“Hi, we’re the Fox Sports Girls! Have you heard of us?”

Um, sure have.

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